TOEFL Integrated Writing – Checked Version

The lecture challenges the theories presented in the reading passage regarding the paradox of choice. //The lecture challenges the claims made in the reading about the paradox of choice.

Firstly, it disputes the hypothesis that having many options is good because you can choose what's [k1: informal contraction in academic writing] what is better for you at the exact moment and what can fulfill your needs more [k3: awkward phrasing; use a more natural collocation of a verb with 'needs'] which option better meets your needs, arguing that having a lot of [k1: informal register — replace with a more formal expression suitable for academic writing] numerous options may lead to mental health problems because you spend a lot of time [k1: informal register — replace with a more formal equivalent] a great deal of time overthinking about [k4: unnecessary preposition] each variant [k3: lexical choice; “option” fits this context better] option. It can cause depression and anxiety. //The lecturer argues that too many options can overload people, leading to overthinking, anxiety, and even depression.

Firstly, it disputes the hypothesis that having a lot of [k1: informal register — replace with a more formal expression suitable for academic writing] numerous options is good because you can choose what's [k1: informal contraction in academic writing] what is better for you at the exact moment and what can fulfill your needs more [k3: awkward phrasing; use a more natural collocation] which alternative better meets your needs, arguing that having numerous options may lead to mental health problems because you spend a lot of time [k1: informal register — use a more formal equivalent] a great deal of time overthinking each option [k3: repetition/tautology — replace the second 'option' to avoid redundancy] choice. It can cause depression and anxiety. //The lecturer argues that too many options can overload people, leading to overthinking, anxiety, and even depression.

Second, it refutes the idea that having many different options promotes innovation and progress, because companies trying [k4: missing auxiliary verb] are trying to create something special and different to compete with other companies and earn more money, pointing out that people can easily become lazy and be stuck where they are now. They will think that there is always a chance to make another choice or to wait for something better, but they will still stay at the same spot [k3: lexical choice; “place” is more natural here] place because it is very exhausting. //The lecture also questions the idea that more choices always lead to progress, suggesting that people may procrastinate, wait for a perfect option, and end up not moving forward at all.

[k1: task achievement — the response clearly explains two contrasting points from the lecture, but the third key point is missing due to lack of time, so the summary is incomplete.]

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TOEFL Integrated Writing – Checked Version (Updated)

The lecture challenges the theories presented in the reading passage regarding the paradox of choice. //The lecture challenges the claims made in the reading about the paradox of choice.

Firstly, it disputes the hypothesis that having a lot of [k1: informal register — replace with a more formal expression suitable for academic writing] overly diverse options is good because you can choose what's [k1: informal contraction in academic writing] what is better for you at the exact moment and what can fulfill your needs more [k3: lexical mistake — inaccurate collocation; “fulfill your needs” → “meet your needs”] meet your needs more, [k3: repetition/tautology — circular logic; repeats the same idea as “choose what is better for you”] which alternative better meets your needs, arguing that having numerous options [k3: tautology/repetition — avoid repeating “options”; use a different noun] alternatives may lead to mental health problems because you spend a lot of time [k1: informal register — use a more formal equivalent] a great deal of time overthinking each option [k3: tautology/repetition — avoid repeating “options”; use a different noun] choice. It can cause depression and anxiety. //The lecturer argues that too many options can overload people, leading to overthinking, anxiety, and even depression.

Second, it refutes the idea that having many different options promotes innovation and progress, because companies trying [k4: missing auxiliary verb] are trying to create something special and different to compete with other companies [k3: tautology] and earn more money, pointing out that people can easily become lazy and be stuck where they are now. //As the lecturer further explains, they [k3: tautology] will think that there is always a chance to make another choice or to wait for something better, //remaining in the same place instead of taking action. because it is very exhausting. //The lecture also questions the idea that more choices always lead to progress, suggesting that people may procrastinate, wait for a perfect option, and end up not moving forward at all.

[k1: task achievement — the response clearly explains two contrasting points from the lecture, but the third key point is missing due to lack of time, so the summary is incomplete.]

Estimated TOEFL Integrated score: 3 / 5

[Overall] The answer clearly shows how the lecture challenges the reading on two main points, and the language is generally understandable with some grammar, lexical, and register issues (e.g., “a lot of” → “numerous,” “a lot of time” → “a great deal of time,” “variant” → “option”). However, the missing third lecture point and several informal or slightly awkward phrases prevent it from reaching 4/5. With all three points covered and a consistently academic tone, this could become a strong 4.

Estimated TOEFL Integrated score: 3 / 5

[Overall] The answer clearly shows how the lecture challenges the reading on two main points, and the language is generally understandable with only a few grammar and lexical mistakes (e.g., “companies trying” → “companies are trying,” “variant” → “option”). However, the missing third lecture point and some awkward phrasing prevent it from reaching 4/5. With all three points covered and slightly more precise wording, this could be a solid 4.