Dear Chris,
Thank you for your email. I'm so glad to hear from you!
In your email you have asked[k3: wrong tense]ask me about the Ruassian [k5: wrong spelling] Russian science.
As far as I know, the most famous Ruassian [k5: wrong spelling] Russian invention is the Mendeleev's periodic table [k4: wrong article - ✔️ Mendeleev’s periodic table, ✔️ Newton’s laws ✔️ Darwin’s theory of evolution] Mendeleev's periodic table of elements.
In my opinion, it is important to study science at school because it broadens children's mind [k4: incorrect number form] minds. It is important to study science at school because it broadens children’s minds and develops critical thinking.
Answering your last question, I think that a foreigner should leasn [k5: wrong spelling] learn about Mich ael [k3: inaccurate word choice (name)] Mikhail Lomonosov as he was an outstanding polymath.[k2: redundant idea - You didn't explain why Lomonosov would be studied by foreigners. And the fact that he was an outstanding polymath goes without saying! ]I believe foreigners should learn about Mikhail Lomonosov, as he was an outstanding polymath who made a significant contribution to science and education and serves as an inspiring example of personal achievement.
(By the way, I also have some questions) regarding your present[k1: incoherence -A present from whom to whom? Chris may have already forgotten about what present he wrote you] your present for your brother. Is it big? [k2: The question is not very logical. I would ask what present it is]How much does it cost? Do you like it?[k1: logic issue - redundant question -- If Chris chose it, obviously, he likes it!] What is it? Why did you choose it for him?
Sorry, I have to go now. My mother is waiting for my help.
Write back soon.
Best wishes,
Mira
ЕГЭ Score (max 6):
1) [k1] Решение коммуникативной задачи (0–2): 2/2
You answer the question about Russian science and ask 3 questions about the present; the letter is on-task.
2) [k2] Организация текста (0–2): 1/2
Clear paragraphing, logical sequence, appropriate opening/closing, questions placed in a separate part.
Yet, some ideas are unfinished, one question is redundant ( i.e. the answers is default), one question is vague
3) [k3][k4][k5] Языковое оформление (0–2): 0/2
A bit too many language issues (k3, k4, k5), but meaning remains clear.
Total: 5/6
Essay
I am currently doing a project on the reasons why many young Zetlanders choose to major in the humanities.
Now University degrees in humanities are as popular as never before. I am currently doing a project on the reasons why many young Zetlanders choose to major in this field.As part of my project, I have found a table with the results of a survey. In my essay I am going to [k1: style/register - overly conversational] This essay will analyze the survey data sourced and express my opinion on the subject of a [k4: wrong article] subject of the survey.[k3: tautology] This essay will analyze the survey results and present my view on the topic //The findings obtained will be analyzed in this essay..
The table reveals that the largest percentage of the respondents choose [k4: wrong subject-verb agreement] chooses the option "Love for creativity" ( [k3: This is not your mistake, but an unnatural collocation used by the test creator!] "Love of creativity") (37%).
Another noticeable fact is that the minority of the surveyed individuals choose the answer "Personal fulfilment" [k4: wrong subject-verb agreement+k3: tautology -- Don't repeat the same words!+ k2: incoherence --They explained the reasons for their choice! The phrase 'choose/chose "option" is punished as primitive this year!] selected this type of major to achieve personal fulfillment (6%).
Looking at the figures of [k4: wrong preposition] in the table, we can see that the option "Interesting subjects", chosen by 28% of the respondents, is three time [k4: incorrect number form] three times more popular than the answer "Variety of jobs upon graduation", chosen by 9%. [k1:task achievement -- Your original template is too primitive , because it doesn't show the logic between the options and the respondents! It is inappropriate this year!] 28% of respondents cited “Interesting subjects” as their reason for choosing a humanities major, whereas only 9% mentioned “Variety of jobs upon graduation.”
I consider that [k1: style/register ] It can be argued that it is explained by the fact that young people really enjoy studying literature, linguistics, history and other humanitarian sciences [k3: unnatural collocation] humanities subjects. [The explanation is redundant. Whay do they enjoy humanities subjects? Maybe because they are realtively easier to understand than exact sciences? You shold provide real explanation not repeat the idea in other words!]This may be because many students genuinely enjoy subjects such as literature, linguistics, and history.
It is worth noting that one of the problems that can arise with [k4: slightly unnatural collocation, but for some reason present in the task] when studying the humanities is the huge[k1: style/register - too informal/vague] substantial amount of information that must be learned.
To tackle this problem, it is better to structure the information and make flashcards for memorization. To address this issue, learners can organise the material and use flashcards to revise efficiently.
In conclusion, it is obviously important to choose the right profession as it guarantees the satisfaction of your life [k3: unnatural phrasing + k1: reader awareness (too personal: “your”)] life satisfaction.
Choose [k3: repetition/tautology – the verb “choose” has already been overused in the essay (survey description + conclusion), which weakens lexical variety] [k1: style/register - imperative too informal for an exam essay!] One should pursue a job they enjoy, and they will not have to work a single day. One should pursue a profession that brings genuine fulfilment.
Suggested EGE-style score
k1[1]k2[1]k3[2]k4[2]k5[2]= 8 out of 4
Content / Task achievement/Register: 1/3 (data described + some interpretation, but intro framing and conclusion drift weaken task focus)
Organization / Coherence: 1/3 (clear paragraphs, logical sequencing, logical ideas)
Lexis: 2/3 (good range, but several collocation/word-choice problems)
Grammar: 2/3 (several noticeable errors, but meaning is clear)
Spelling & punctuation: 2/2 (overall accurate)