Grandmother’s Piano

"It always seems impossible until it’s done." — Nelson Mandela

When Maya opened the old wooden gate, she immediately sensed that something unusul [k5: spelling] unusual had happened.

The garden looked too perfect. Someone had watered the roses and pulled the weeds.

Maya had come to collect her grandmother’s things. She walked to the ceramic gnome and lifted the rug. No key. It was strange. Grandma always left it there.

Maya tried to open the door anyway and it opened. [k3: tautology/repetition] Maya tried the door anyway, and it was unlocked. / Maya tested the handle anyway, and the door yielded immediately.

Everything was too clean. The dishes were washed, the floor swept. [k3: stylistic weakness / repetition] — “too” is repeated in neighbouring sentences (“too perfect”, “too clean”). The house looked unusually tidy / Everything appeared strangely neat.

Suddenly, Maya heard the piano music [k4: wrong article] piano music / the sound of a piano coming from the living room.

As she entered the living room, she saw [k3: stylistic repetition – repeated subject “she”. Use Participle construction for C1+ grammar] Entering the living room, Maya saw / As she stepped into the living room, Maya saw / On entering the living room, Maya saw a girl about her age was playing [k4: grammar – missing relative pronoun or negligence of Complex Object] her age who was playing the piano. a girl about her age playing the piano (Complex Object)

“Who are you?” Maya asked.

“I’m Sofia. You must be Maya. Your grandmother taught me piano [k3: lexical collocation] the piano for five years.

When I heard she died [k4: tense sequence — earlier past event. In spoken English and informal narrative, speakers sometimes use Past Simple instead of Past Perfect when the order of events is obvious. Your version is borderline acceptable, but for contest-level writing the Past Perfect is stylistically better and safer] had died, I couldn’t let her garden die too. I’ve been coming every week to take care of things.” When I heard she had died, I couldn’t let her garden die as well / I couldn't bear the thought of her garden falling into ruin./ When I heard that she had passed away, I couldn’t let her garden die as well.

“Thank you. You play the piano very beautifully [k3: stylistic appropriateness – unnatural collocation] beautifully You play beautifully / You play the piano wonderfully / You play really well.

My grandmother wanted me to play the piano too. I couldn’t do it. I disappointed her.”

“No,” Sofia patted the chair next to her. “Sit down. Let me show you something simple.”

For an hour, Sofia taught Maya a song that Maya’s grandmother loved. [k3: tautology] — “Maya’s grandmother” repeated in the same sentence. a song that her grandmother loved.

Maya almost gave up, but finally she played it through.

Her eyes filled with tears. She had done it, ____ [k4: incomplete clause — missing subject and verb. “Too late for Grandma to hear” can exist as literary ellipsis.But in contest ESL writing, “it was too late” is the safer and clearer construction]but it was too late for Grandma to hear .

Sofia praised her. [k3: stylistic weakness] — very short sentence with limited narrative value. Sofia smiled and praised her / Sofia nodded approvingly.

Only later did she realize that the decision she had made that afternoon would shape the rest of her life. [k1: task achievement problem] — The story does not explain HOW the decision changed Maya’s life and what decision she made. //Inspired, Maya went as far as to apply to a music college and later became a respected concert pianist, often performing the pieces her grandmother had written. Only later did she realize that the decision she had made that afternoon would shape the rest of her life.

Final score

Total: 10 / 20

Assessment criteria