The Roman Conquest
1. Original: The air in my forge feels like hopelessness, heavy with hopelessness .
Corrected: The air in my forge feels heavy with hopelessness, a suffocating gas that fills me with despair.
2. Original: I can still hear the echoes of laughter from days long ago, but now they feel like distant memories seem like distant memories , drowned out by the endless clang of metal on metal.
Corrected: I can still hear the echoes of laughter from days long ago, but now they seem like distant memories drowned out by the endless clang of metal on metal.
3. Original: I used to have the sense of meaning a sense of purpose in my life, but now all I see are my calloused and weary hands and bright hot iron.
Corrected: I used to have a sense of purpose in my life, but now all I see are my calloused and weary hands and bright hot iron.
1. The air in my forge feels like hopelessness heavy with hopelessness, suffocating gas that fills me with despair.
2. I can still hear the echoes of laughter from days long ago, but now they feel like distant memories seem like distant memories , drowned out by the endless clang of metal on metal.
3. I used to have the sense of meaning a sense of purpose in my life, but now all I see are [k4] is my calloused and weary hands and bright hot iron.
4. The Romans have come, and with them, they’ve stolen have stolen [k4: I would use Past Simple here to refer to a moment that is already in the past] came and stolenot only our land / stealing not only our land. / It is not only the land that the Southern bastards have taken.
6. Mellow and tranquil were our days before their arrival/intrusion. My forge was a place where the rhythmic clang of hammer on anvil sang a song of creativity and contribution craftsmanship.
Villagers would come to make another request /with their orders for tools and, rarely though, souvenirs, never forgetting to bring me some butter or honey and never missing/overlooking the opportunity to gossip.
8. I shared quiet moments by the fire with my beloved wife, [k5: It is a descriptive relative clause, which requires a comma] whose eyes were the brightest grey eyes brightest grey I had ever seen, dreaming of the joyful future a joyful future.
“One day, I’ll forge a sword worthy of a king,” I would declare with my heart swelling with ambition.
10. But that world shattered the day the Romans arrived, their legions shining in the sun and marching into our village like a dark storm cloud as ominous as a dark storm cloud.
11. “We come [k4: tense!] in peace,” their leader proclaimed, but the chill in the air told the opposite betrayed their true intentions.
12. Now, as I stand in my forge, I feel like a ghost haunting my own body.
13. Days turned into weeks, and I found myself caught in a web of despair. [k2: or use a present tense here!]
14. “You’ve become one of them!”, my wife remarked [k1: underdeveloped plot], her voice filled with sorrow.
15. My existence from vibrant had turned into bleak had turned from vibrant to bleak, and I wondered if I would ever reclaim the spirit of my people or if I was destined [k2: tense!] to be a mere shadow of my former self.[k2: coherence: why do you feel like a shadow of your own self?]
The Magna Carta
1. Being a freeman turned out to be not so bad rather favorable recently. My hands are still weathered from the hard work in the fields, but now no one can take this land from me. My beautiful radiant wife still has her hands dirty helping me grow the crops, but now / yet, the king doesn’t does not take half of them as taxes. / Although my radiant wife still has her hands dirty helping me grow the crops, the king no longer takes half of them as taxes. Life didn’t really change much has not changed significantly after the signing of the Magna Carta, but now / however, I find myself not feeling feeling less vulnerable than I did for most of my life.
2. In our small yet friendly and charming village, no one was invested interested in the process of those fights or negotiations—whatever you call it—between the king and the barons. We didn’t did not expect that showdown to affect us in any way, as it had always been like that our village had always remained untouched by political disputes.However, when the barons rebelled and seized London, King John called upon his feudal levies, and some of our men—mere farmers and tradesmen—were forced into his army, dragged into the clashes at Rochester and Northampton. Many returned wounded, bearing scars from battles they never wished to fight. In fact, As for the Magna Carta, we didn’t did not even pay attention to what the Magna Carta it was promising us; we didn’t believe it doubting its promises. [Consider inversion for a more refined style] , We were too busy /Too busy were we, to think about politics, struggling /as we struggled to make ends meet, and had no time to think about politics. But then the taxes went lower were reduced, and we learned that we had rights (what rights?*). And, of course, we liked it. / Well, we couldn't but appreciate that.
3. “I dream of having time to spend with our kids,” my wife used to say back in the day. And I am glad to know one of her dreams came true. In fact, seeing her blue eyes glowing with joy joyful blue eyes shining is worth thanking those barons. It makes me think we’ve finally turned the corner and stepped into a brighter future.
Advice: Do not use short forms! Use participles, gerunds, infinitives and corresponding clauses more, use inversion and idioms. Do not neglect giving more detail about the transitory period.
*Who Were the Small Landowners in Post-Magna Carta England (after1215)?
Although England was still dominated by feudal lords, some freemen (free tenants, yeomen, or socage holders) did own small parcels of land. However, their land was not fully independent property as we think of today—most of it was still subject to feudal obligations.
1. Free Tenants (Liberi Tenentes)
✅ Who were they?
- These were freemen who held land from a lord but had fixed and predictable obligations (unlike villeins, who were subject to arbitrary labor demands).
- They had some property rights and could not be arbitrarily evicted after Magna Carta.
✅ Post-Magna Carta Changes:
- Clause 39 of Magna Carta helped protect them from unjust eviction or land seizure by their lords.
- They could pass their land to their heirs without excessive feudal fees.
2. Socage Holders (Early Yeomen)
✅ Who were they?
- Socage tenure allowed small landowners to hold land in exchange for a fixed rent rather than military service.
- This group was small but growing, especially in areas of southern England.
✅ Post-Magna Carta Changes:
- Socage landholders were better protected from arbitrary demands by lords.
- Their rights to inherit land were strengthened.
3. Burgesses (Town Landowners)
✅ Who were they?
- These were freemen who owned property in towns and had economic power through trade and crafts.
- Many held charters granting self-governance and land rights within their towns.
✅ Post-Magna Carta Changes:
- Magna Carta confirmed the autonomy of many townships.
- Clause 13 protected their trading privileges, indirectly securing their property.
4. Minor Knights & Small Gentry
✅ Who were they?
- Some knights and lesser nobles owned small amounts of land.
- They held land in knight’s service, meaning they owed military duty but had greater independence than peasants.
✅ Post-Magna Carta Changes:
- Magna Carta limited the king’s ability to arbitrarily tax or seize their land.
What Did Magna Carta Change for Small Landowners?
Freemen & small landowners gained some protection from unjust feudal demands.
Land inheritance became more secure (lords couldn't impose excessive fees).
Fewer forced military obligations for small landholders under certain conditions.
Burgesses and town landowners gained stronger property rights in cities.
However, most land was still controlled by the nobility, and serfs (villeins) remained unfree.
Brexit
1. My bakery, Sereniteapot, is the reason for me to wake up each morning. However, over the years I have run have been running it, some significant changes were [k4: tense] have been implemented to the concept of my small business. Brexit was an event I expected had expected but sincerely hoped would not happen, as I understood how it would impact my work. I was right in thinking I was right to think it would be the toughest period of my life as a businesswoman. For four long years For four years, I lived / [k1: use inversion for emotiveness] lived I in a state of constant uncertainty and anxiety, waiting for Brexit to arrive. / For four years, I endured relentless uncertainty and anxiety, bracing myself for Brexit’s impact.
2. In the 2000s, my life was much easier, as I managed my business according to the lessons my father taught [k4: tense] had taught me. I sourced procured the best quality ingredients I could afford from various EU countries. / Back then, I ensured only the finest ingredients from across the EU found their way into my baker, following my father’s wisdom, who knew this business inside out. My bakery offered a wide range of pastries from around the world, which helped it gain popularity. [k2: Link word needed] Little wonder that M many customers became regulars because of the diverse selection and affordability of my products. / As a result, the bakery’s diverse selection and reasonable prices turned many first-time visitors into loyal patrons. /With such a wide selection and fair prices, it was hardly a shock that many customers kept coming back.
3. However, things turned upside down after Brexit. I had to deal with a lot of numerous new bureaucracy/red tape and ended up losing nearly all of my suppliers from abroad. It became increasingly difficult to find source certain products in local shops. / Tracking down key ingredients locally turned into an exhausting challenge. [An introductory phrase is recommended here] As a result, I had to keep increasing prices, even as the quality of my pastries began to decline. / Despite my efforts, my pastries’ quality inevitably suffered as prices kept climbing. A new concept was necessary to save Sereniteapot, and this change came about through my old friend Jessica. “What if we combined my local farm with your bakery?” “What if we merged my local farm with your bakery?” she suggested one day. Without much thought, I agreed.
4. Now, Sereniteapot specializes in original British recipes and pastries made from local ingredients. While I have managed to overcome the challenges posed by Brexit and feel more experienced, I sometimes miss my old global bakery long for the days of my international bakery. / Even after adapting, nostalgia for my once-global bakery still lingers. Still, that does not mean I do not appreciate what it has become today. / Yet, I take pride in the new identity my bakery has embraced.
Tip: Do not overdo with I- sentences. Instead make an object the subject and adapt grammar to it. For example: As a result, I had to keep increasing prices, even as the quality of my pastries began to decline. --> As a result, prices kept climbing even with my pastries’ quality inevitably suffering.