The Printing Press story

Historical story

Coming from lower middle class [k4: wrong article] Coming from a lower-middle-class family, I used to be a businessman not plagued with success [k4: wrong preposition] plagued by success. Having heard of an opportunity to take part in testing of [k3: unnatural collocation] the testing of / testing the freshly invented [k3: less natural collocation] newly invented recently invented / just invented time machine, I grasped at it [k3: inaccurate word choice] seized it immediately. Being from a lower-middle-class family, I had long been a businessman dogged by failure. The moment I heard of an opportunity to take part in testing a newly invented time machine, I seized it without hesitation.

London of the past [k3: slightly awkward phrasing] the London of the past / old London met me with hustle and bustle of a stinky market [k3: awkward collocation + k1: style/register-use more suitable descriptive wording] the hustle and bustle of a foul-smelling market, overwhelming with bright and distinct crowd [k4: misuse of a verbal + k3: unnatural collocation] teeming with a bright and distinctive crowd. The first thing I did in this city was selling [k4: incorrect form of a verbal] was sell my grandma’s golden earrings to earn a starting sum [k3: unnatural collocation] some start-up capital. To get rid of modern clothes that attracted a lot of attention I resorted to London’s high fashion [k3: illogical / awkward phrasing — one does not usually “resort to” high fashion in order to disguise oneself in this context] , I changed into clothes typical of London at the time. Old London greeted me with the noise and foul smell of a crowded market, teeming with vivid faces. The first thing I did there was sell my grandmother’s gold earrings to raise some start-up capital. To avoid standing out in my modern clothes, I changed into garments typical of the period.

Having studied the time period before my travel [k3: less precise word choice] journey, I knew exactly where I had to go next – Fleet Street! My plan was all about using [k3: too colloquial / awkward phrasing] consisted in making use of a new thriving business niche of printing to get wealthy, so I headed to the most neat-looking facility [k3: unnatural collocation] most respectable-looking premises on the street.

“May I please discuss with you my newest fiction draft?” [k3: unnatural phrasing in direct speech] “May I show you my latest fictional manuscript?” I said to the man in the building publisher, already knowing that Pride and Prejudice will be [k4: wrong tense form] would be a huge success. The draft did in fact get accepted, becoming a guarantee of my pleasant life here [k3: awkward collocation] a guarantee of a comfortable life for me there. Since I had studied the era beforehand, I knew exactly where to go next — Fleet Street. My plan was to take advantage of the booming printing trade and grow rich, so I made my way to the most respectable-looking premises on the street. “May I show you my latest fictional manuscript?” I asked the publisher, already aware that Pride and Prejudice would become a tremendous success. The manuscript was accepted and secured for me a comfortable life there.

Now that I’m getting [k1: no short forms in formal writing! + k4: tense inconsistency] I am getting / I have been given a chance to escape my constant need for money [k3: awkward phrasing] constant financial hardship, I will gladly stay here despite the dirty streets, plagues [k3: less suitable word choice] plague and the necessity to work hard as a writer even though I don’t [k1: no short forms in formal writing!] I do not have to invent the plot. Now that I have been given a chance to escape constant financial hardship, I am more than willing to remain here despite the filthy streets, the plague, and the need to work hard as a writer, even if the plot has already been handed to me by history.

I had been used to life with no hopes [k4: wrong tense/form] I was used to a life without hope, dwelling in a fast-paced city where luck abandoned me, but here, in my new present, I feel a bright future waiting around the corner, making me feel refreshed and much more confident. It is as if I was [k4: wrong form after as if in unreal comparison] had been born for the second time. I was used to a hopeless life in a fast-paced city where luck had long abandoned me, yet here, in my new present, I feel as though a bright future is waiting just around the corner, leaving me refreshed and far more confident. It is as if I had been born a second time.

The table demonstrates [LR: lexical choice; you should use “shows”, “presents” or “provides information about” for a table. “Demonstrates” is less natural here.] shows a restaurant’s average sales in three affiliates [LR: lexical choice; “affiliates” usually means connected companies or organisations. For restaurant locations, “branches” is more accurate.] at three branches in 2016. Overall, the Georgia street [GRA/LR: capitalization and noun phrase; street names should be capitalised, and here you mean the branch located on Georgia Street.] the Georgia Street branch was the most profitable branch [TA/LR: data interpretation; unless the table gives profit figures, you should not say “profitable”. Sales and average spending do not automatically show profit.] recorded the strongest sales performance, leading in both total transactions and average spending per order. In contrast, the Drake Street branch scored the lowest activity [LR: collocation; branches do not usually “score activity”. Use “recorded the lowest number of transactions” or “had the lowest customer activity”.] recorded the lowest number of transactions, though it maintained a higher average transaction value than the Dunsmuir Street affiliate [LR: lexical choice; avoid “affiliate” here. You have already used “branch”, so “location” avoids tautology.] location. The table shows average sales at three branches of a restaurant in 2016. Overall, the Georgia Street branch recorded the strongest sales performance, leading in both the number of transactions and average spending per order. By contrast, Drake Street had the lowest customer activity, although its average transaction value was higher than that of Dunsmuir Street.

The table shows that Georgia Street reported the highest volume [LR: acceptable but slightly vague; “number of transactions” is more precise for IELTS Task 1.] number of transactions, with 854 transactions, followed by Dunsmuir Street, at 750. Drake Street saw significantly less business [LR: slightly informal/idiomatic; in academic reporting, “recorded a much lower figure” is safer.] recorded a much lower figure, with only 390 transactions. However, looking at spending habits, Georgia Street customers spent the most per visit with [GRA/LR: preposition/collocation; “at” is more natural with average value figures.] , at an average transaction value of $10.69. While Dunsmuir Street had quite a high traffic [GRA/LR: “traffic” is uncountable in this meaning, and “customer traffic” or “footfall” is more precise.] fairly high customer traffic, it registered the lowest average spending of $5.61, which was well below Drake Street’s average of $9.02. Georgia Street recorded the highest number of transactions, at 854, followed by Dunsmuir Street, with 750. Drake Street had a much lower figure, at only 390. In terms of average spending, however, Georgia Street still ranked first, at $10.69 per order. Dunsmuir Street, despite its fairly high customer traffic, had the lowest average transaction value, at $5.61, compared with $9.02 at Drake Street.

It can be seen from the table that regarding dining types [CC/LR: wordy transition; you should make the phrase more compact and natural.] , in terms of dining type, take-away transactions [LR: word form; “takeaway orders” is more natural and concise.] takeaway orders outnumbered eat-in orders at both Georgia Street (449 to 405) and Dunsmuir Street (392 to 358). In contrast, Drake Street bucked this trend [LR: this idiom is understandable, but it is slightly journalistic. In IELTS Task 1, a more neutral phrase is preferable.] showed the opposite pattern, with 200 customers choosing to eat in, compared to 190 of those who ordered take-away [GRA/LR: unclear reference; “of those” suggests these 190 people are part of the 200 eat-in customers. Use a direct comparison.] 190 who ordered takeaway. In terms of dining type, takeaway orders outnumbered eat-in orders at both Georgia Street, 449 compared with 405, and Dunsmuir Street, 392 compared with 358. Drake Street showed the opposite pattern, with 200 eat-in customers and 190 takeaway orders.

Notably, poultry products [TA/LR: possible overgeneralisation; unless all the listed items are clearly chicken-based, “poultry products” may be inaccurate. Also, restaurants usually sell “dishes” or “items”, not “products”.] chicken-based dishes were the top choice at all three locations, with chicken burgers, wings and pasta being the most popular items respectively. Notably, chicken-based dishes appeared to be the most popular choices across the three locations, with chicken burgers, wings and chicken pasta ranking first at the respective branches.