American National Treasure is [k5: capitalization in title case]Is Back

Written by Victoria Balashova, Student Reporter, ‘The NiNo Times’

LOS ANGELES,, [k5: punctuation], November 2025 — [k5: punctuation – use em dash tight in news style]— ‘Whistler’s Mother’[k5: quotation punctuation – comma/period inside in AmE]“Whistler’s Mother,” a deeply [k3: wordiness]treasured painting by a beloved American artist is [k2: comma needed before nonrestrictive clause], is returning home! [k1: no exclamations in formal writing*]. It has been purchased by The Grierson Gallery from Muse D’Orsay [k4: article omission before proper noun + inaccurate name] the Musée d’Orsay , Paris, for as mush [k5: spelling]as much as fifty million dollars [k3: journalistic register – prefer numeral]$50 million. Remarkably, the donation that the gallery received for this painting was private [k3: unnatural collocation/wordiness]gallery’s funding for the acquisition was a private donation. So, the American treasure got back [k3: informal phrasal choice]has returned owing to [k3: register too high—prefer “thanks to”/“through” in news]thanks to a mysterious but generous stranger [k3: tone—prefer “benefactor” in formal register]benefactor and is going to be unveiled this month [k3: wordiness/ k1: register yoo low in the future form] will be unveiled this month.

“It all happened so fast,” says Mr Bean, a representative of the gallery. “Of course, we have been looking forward to buying it as the form of paying tribute [k3: unnatural collocation]as a way to pay tribute to our national art historybut it had always felt [k4: tense inconsistency – present perfect context requires same time frame] but it has always felt like a dream. However, thanks to a private donator [k3: inaccurate word choice, non-idiomatic]donor, we returned the ‘Whistler’s Mother’ back [k3: redundancy (“returned back”) + article with title]returned “Whistler’s Mother” to its homeland and are glad to present it.”

All visitors are invited to a permanent exhibition of “Whistler’s Mother” at The Grierson Gallery. The gala evening is going to be held [k3: wordiness]will be held on November 14th [k5: style – drop ordinal in dates]November 14. The entrance [k3: collocation]Admission is free, but all guests have to [k3: tone]must register first on www.griersongallery.com [k2: consistency—see date/time below; I suggested dropping “www.” just for visual and stylistic consistency, like they usually do in press-releases]griersongallery.com. The places are limited [k3: article/word choice]Places are limited, so do not miss your chance.

What to Expect:

• Exhibition — be the first to contemplate [k3: collocation—use “view”/“see” with paintings]view a legendary painting back at its home [k3: awkward phrasing]back on home soil.
• Lectures — visit TED talks [k5: capitalization]TED Talks about James Whistler and the American art history of XIX century [k3: phrasing/register]American art history of the nineteenth century.
• Special Guest — don’t [k1: no short forms in formal writing]do not miss the first performance of Lana Del Rey’s new song about art on [k4: preposition]at the gala evening.

The registration is [k3: article]Registration is now open. Whether you are looking to expand your knowledge of art history, behold the greatest painting by an American artist or [k5: serial comma for clarity], or hear your favourite [k5: spelling consistency – AmE vs BrE]favorite pop star’s new single, this event is a must-visit.

Jump at the chance and join us on November 1st, 19.00 [k2: incoherence with November 14 above + k5: time format] November 14, 7:00 p.m., The Grierson Gallery, Los Angeles! [k1: no exclamations in formal writing].

www.griersongallery.com [k2] // For details and required registration, visit griersongallery.com.

The Fortune

Once upon a time, in a kingdom with broad fields, there lived Frank the Ox, whose job was to cultivate the land. Under the supervision of The [k5: capitalization—common noun]the Farmer, always had he laboured relentlessly.

One day, the Farmer bought a goose that laid golden eggs. So precious it was to the man that he seemed to forget about everything else.

Since the purchase of the Goose, the Ox was given a raw deal by the Farmer. Overworked and underpaid, Frank couldn’t but despise [k3: unnatural collocation]could not help but despise the Goose. It was the apple of the Farmer’s eye [k3: idiom OK but repeated “Farmer”—possible variety] his  master's pride and joy, surrounded with care and affection despite doing minimum [k3: collocation]the bare minimum of work.

After a while, the Ox was suddenly commanded by the farmer to eat nothing but the golden eggs but first buy them for quite a fortuneordered to eat nothing but golden eggs—and to purchase them himself at a steep price. Frank was desperate, for he barely could [k4: word order]could barely make ends meet after this order.

Once Frank the Ox rebelled. [k5: syntax—fragment/unclear temporal “Once”; use “One day” , otherwise it is a classic case of a weak story opening] One day, Frank the Ox rebelled. Having purchased a dozen of eggs [k4: article/quantity construction]a dozen eggs, he demonstratively [k3: inaccurate adverb choice]deliberately broke them in front of the Farmer and left him furious. “Ingrate!” the man shouted. “Well then, if you cannot cherish a treasure, you will not get even a speck of dust from me.”

The Farmer depriving the Ox of food, the latter [k1: clunky/academic; avoid “the latter”]After the Farmer deprived the Ox of food, Frank starved but did not surrender. Lying in his stall day and night, he gave up the field work [k5: spelling/compound noun]fieldwork completely. This was when the Farmer realised his mistake: the land was now uncultivated and the crops failed.

On a gloomy, freezing night in autumn, when a golden egg no longer seemed a sufficient meal, the Farmer came begging to the Ox. Screaming and crying, he threatened Frank to return [k4: verb pattern—“threaten to do / threaten someone with X”; here: “demanded that he return”]threatened Frank and demanded that he return and find food for them: “Give up your pride! I know that it was a fortune to have you now” [k2: incoherent time reference + k3: phrasing]you were our greatest fortune.”

??? Where is the end?

“We do not know what we have until it is gone,” the Ox concluded. Soon after, he ran away from the pasture and has been [k4: tense consistency in past narrative]was free ever since, merrily galloping in freedom. // From that day on, he lived unfettered.

The End

‘Forward, march!’ hundreds of soldiers are stomping [k4: wrong tense - use past for narrative] hundreds of soldiers were stomping in the streets, making my workshop shake. Rubbing my eyes and yawning, I place the last boot in a wooden box signed ‘ARMY’ and sit down to wait for the recipient. Faint memories about last months, brought back by the marching outside, make me wearily smile. [k4: incorrect preposition + k3: unnatural collocation] Faint memories of the last few months, brought back by the marching outside, make me smile wearily.

A simple elderly shoemaker who had worked peacefully for his entire life, I was completely lost when the Boston Tea Party happened. The whole country seemed on edge, cities were filled with people in military uniforms. [k5: syntax -- run-on phrases -- separate independent phrases with a full stop or ';'] and cities were filled with people in military uniforms. A restless time had come, and only those craftspeople who could bite the bullet stayed afloat.

Terrified at first, I decided to break the mold of selling shoes for civilians and started providing rebel troops with boots instead. There was a lot of work but I felt not only relieved that I weathered the storm but also proud to take part — even indirectly — in liberating my homeland from cruel colonial oppression. [k4: incorrect word order+k4: neglected Past Perfect] I felt not only relieved to have weathered the storm but also proud to take part—even indirectly—in liberating my homeland from cruel colonial oppression.

A while has passed since the first protest. Still cooperating with the troops, I don’t have any trouble at the workshop; though I’m not rolling in money, I have stable work and loyal clients. Bending but not breaking after the Boston Tea Party, I, most significantly, was able to pay my respects to those young men who stood up for America’s sovereignty, and this, undoubtedly, is the most honourable thing that an old man can do. [k2: lack of coherence - The final sentiment is powerful but the transition is abrupt. The sentence is also very long and could be split for impact.] // Having bent but not broken after the Boston Tea Party, I found my own way to contribute. Most significantly, I was able to pay my respects to those young men who stood up for America’s sovereignty. To me, an old man, that is the most honourable thing of all.

Cover Analysis

Judging from the cover alone, this appears to be a magazine aimed at young adults of both genders who were captivated by the movies of the XXI century. The simple yet eye-catching layouts — with photos of renowned actors and characters, a bunch of intriguing headlines [k3: redundancy (same idea elaborated in the next clause)] — suggests a publication devoted equally to cinema culture and professional journalism. The tone is provocative and engaging, as if inviting the reader to enter the mysterious behind-the-scenes stories world of their favourite movies. [k3: redundancy (same idea repeated: behind-the-scenes / insider access)] // The tone cultivates a sense of privileged access, drawing readers into the off-screen dimension of contemporary cinema.

Though not overflowing with flashy details, the cover provides a large central image of a well-known film character, hinting that the articles inside are going to discuss the latest news in cinematography. [k3: redundancy (repetition of ‘hints/promises’ previously used)] // signalling that the contents will focus on current cinematic developments. The headlines are phrased as exclamations, thought-provoking questions and puns — “It’s a Guy thing” — clearly designed to draw readers’ attention and induce curiosity. The use of movie titles [k3: tautology (repetition of movie/cinema references)] inclusion of film titles, written in capitals, strengthens the appeal to readers engaged in cinematic culture. // Featuring capitalised film titles reinforces the magazine’s alignment with cinema enthusiasts.

Everything about the design seems to appeal to the fans’ enthusiasm: large pictures with movie scenes in dramatic dark shades, mentions of their beloved actors and directors, and hints of behind-the-scenes stories and intrigues. [k3: redundancy (actors/directors/behind-the-scenes repeated)] // It relies heavily on evocative visuals and suggestive details that promise exclusive insights into filmmaking. This is a publication meant to inform and entertain simultaneously. It feeds on fans’ curiosity about the movie world, full of intrigues and secrets, and closeness to their favourite stars otherwise unreachable. [k3: redundancy (same ‘curiosity/behind-the-scenes’ ideas restated)] // It caters to readers seeking both factual reporting and a sense of proximity to celebrated film figures.

Therefore, it can reasonably be concluded that this is a modern young adult magazine, perhaps published by a developing journalist agency. Its purpose was to sell both news and fairytales.Its purpose appears to be combining factual reporting with narrative-driven, feature-style storytelling. —to give the readers, through interviews and behind-the-scenes stories, the feeling of truly belonging to the mysterious world of cinematography. [k3: redundancy (same ‘belonging/insider access’ idea repeated)] // to immerse readers in the aesthetic and emotional world surrounding contemporary filmmaking.

I recommend that you first analyse design, then touch upon content

Summary_ AVTR

The video discusses a new concept car “Mercedes Vision AVTR” with a popular host [k2: lack of clarity – structure suggests the car is “with” the host] hosted by a popular presenter. The speaker states that this is one of the most mind-blowing [k1: style – too informal for a formal summary] most groundbreaking cars in the world and outlines its innovative features and advantages. Overall, the aim of the video is to draw the audience’s interest to [k4: wrong preposition] interest in this exact car [k1: style – colloquial wording] this particular concept car and the concept car industry in general.// …the aim of the video is to spark the audience’s interest in this particular concept car and the concept car industry in general.

First, the speaker delivers his happiness from being able to test the car [k3: unnatural collocation] expresses his excitement about being able to test the car. At the same time, he gives the audience a bit of [k1: style – too informal] some background information about this model, mentioning Mercedes’ collaboration with the Avatar movie.

Next, the host describes the external appearance of the car, pointing out the unique illumination and peculiar shapes of car details [k3: inaccurate word choice- 'detail' refer to information] design elements, such as the innovative bionic flaps and spherical wheels. He underlines that, by these novelties, a new driving style is introduced [k3: unnatural phrasing + k4: incorrect word order+ k5: Do not put commas before complementory clauses in English!] emphasises that these innovations introduce a new driving style.

The speaker also invites the listeners inside and demonstrates the ethereal interior, including eco-friendly corpus [k3: inaccurate word choice] materials and comfortable seats. He focuses on the central control unit, emphasising the convenience of driving the car with it.

Finally, the listeners are given a test car ride from the host, him demonstrating [k4: incorrect structure + k3: unnatural phrasing] the host gives the listeners a test ride in the car, demonstrating a completely new driving style — crab walking — which is said to be possible owing to the earlier described novelties [k3: unnatural phrasing- Be cautious with '"novelties" ] the innovations described earlier previously described new features. In the end, it is shown how illumination looks during an actual ride, the speaker describing the experience of driving AVTR as one of the most astounding in his life. // The video concludes with a demonstration of the lighting in motion and the host’s claim that driving the AVTR is one of the most impressive experiences of his career.

Taken together, these ideas present the innovativeness, comfortability [k3: unnatural word form] comfort and spectacularity [k3: unnatural word form] visual spectacle of the Mercedes Vision AVTR, drawing the audience’s attention to the concept car industry. // Overall, the summary highlights how the Mercedes Vision AVTR combines innovation, comfort and striking visual design to promote interest in concept cars.

Opinion paragraph

In my opinion, the video reveals innovativeness [k3: unnatural word form] innovation, comfortability [k3: unnatural word form] comfort and spectacularity [k3: unnatural word form] visual spectacle of the Mercedes Vision AVTR.

One the one hand [k5: spelling ] On the one hand, the technology shown appears unreliable to me for a big part of the car control is delegated to the AI [k3: unnatural phrasing] because a large part of the car’s control is delegated to AI; besides, servicing such a vehicle is going to cost quite a fortune [k1: too informal for a formal opinion] a considerable amount.

On the other hand, I still expect Mercedes to be a trustworthy manufacturer and believe that engineers have thought over all possible issues so driving AVTR [k3: article omission—model names require an article when treated as a noun phrase] driving the AVTR should actually be safe; perhaps, even safer than a usual car [k3: inaccurate collocation] a conventional car owing to the decreased influence of human factor [k3: unnatural collocation → requires the article] the human factor. Moreover, what cannot be ignored is that [k3: wordiness / redundant framing] the car’s ethereal appearance is likely to be a fan’s dream. // Moreover, the car’s ethereal appearance is likely to be a fan’s dream. // Additionally, the car’s ethereal design is likely to appeal strongly to devoted fans.

Therefore, I don’t find the shown technology urgent [k3: unnatural phrase – “urgent” is not used for technology+k1:stlye - no short forms in academic writing unless required by style!] I do not consider the demonstrated technology immediately necessary [Do not forget to put commas before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences!], but definitely being a huge step [k4: incorrect verbal construction] it is definitely a huge step towards a new generation of cars, especially tempting for people who can afford its purchase and service. // Overall, although the technology does not seem essential at present, it clearly represents significant progress toward a new class of vehicles.

Mojo Lenses Summary

The video demonstrates a brand new [k1: style/register-use more formal or neutral style] new technology called the MOJO Lens. According to the narrator, the AR lens is supposed to become [k3: unnatural phrasing] is intended to become a more comfortable and easily accessible substitute for typical screens.

First, it is outlined that the lens is capable of adjusting vision, just like a normal contact one [k3: unnatural collocation] contact lens, but it is not its highlight [k1: style/register-use more formal or neutral style] key feature at all. What makes the MOJO device special is its ability to broadcast data right [k1: style/register-use more formal or neutral style] directly into the user’s eye. Moreover, owing to the technology of invisible computing, the broadcast is done without distracting people from their main activities. Besides, the narrator remarks that the AR lens doesn’t overload the customer [k1: register – neutral objectivity is not achieved] user with information, providing just a [k4: wrong article] the necessary amount. It includes the analysis of surrounding landscapes and objects and a supply [k3: unnatural collocation] provision of required data about them.

The narrator adds that the lens displays only the essential information, including analysis of nearby objects and relevant contextual data.

Next, the structure of the MOJO lens is revealed. Apart from [k3: inaccurate word choice] Unlike normal contacts, it has a thin film, bio safe [k5: wrong spelling] bio-safe batteries, motion and image sensors, and the world’s tiniest display. Together, these components enable the lens to receive signals from the user, process them, and present [k3: inaccurate word choice] display the needed information. Additionally, the interface is completely hands-free, which adds to the device’s convenience.

The video is concluded with a saying [k3: unnatural phrasing] concludes with the following quote: “If it doesn’t break the laws of physics, it’s possible,” promoting the idea of further spreading of [k3: unnatural collocation] the further spread of such technologies. Truly, what once was only a science fiction fantasy now is being [k4: incorrect word order + k5: wrong spelling] Truly, what was once only a science-fiction fantasy is now being actively developed and even may [k4: incorrect word order] may even replace smartphones one day. The authors develop [k3: inaccurate word choice] video presents the concept of human friendly [k5: wrong spelling] human-friendly technologies that actually help in daily life and professional fields, expecting [k3: unnatural phrasing] suggesting the MOJO lens will become an illustration of this idea.

Overall, the video frames the MOJO Lens as a step toward human-friendly AR that could eventually reduce reliance on smartphones.

---

[Overall feedback]

[k2: coherence] The summary is well-organized and easy to follow (features → components → conclusion). Transitions are used effectively without feeling excessive.

[k1: register] A few choices lean slightly promotional (“brand new,” “highlight,” “right”), so the corrections above shift the tone toward neutral academic summarizing.

[k3: lexis] The main issues were collocations (“contact one,” “supply of data,” “a saying,” “further spreading of”)—all fixed with more idiomatic options.

[k4/k5: accuracy] Word order (“what was once… is now…”) and hyphenation (“science-fiction,” “human-friendly,” “bio-safe”) were the key mechanical points.

Pieta

Created by Michelangelo in 1498, the Pietà is located in Saint Peter’s Basilica of [k4: wrong preposition] St. Peter’s Basilica in Vatican City. It is alleged [k3: inaccurate word choice] believed to have been originally made as an altarpiece for a funeral chapel. Remarkably, the sculpture remains the only one that was signed by Buonarroti [k4: incorrect voice] that Buonarroti signed, which truly speaks 

for [k4: inaccurate choice of preposition] to its greatness. // Commissioned in 1498, the Pietà resides in St. Peter’s Basilica in Vatican City. It is believed to have been originally created as an altarpiece for a funeral chapel. Notably, it is the only sculpture Michelangelo ever signed, underscoring its significance.

 

Moving on to the visual characteristics, the Pietà depicts the Virgin Mary holding Jesus taken down from the cross [k3: unnatural phrasing] after his descent from the cross. The statue is made of white marble, a traditional material for monumental sculptures. The sleek stone flawlessly imitates delicate folded fabric, captures bodily curves and mild facial expressions, achieving a sophisticated overall look. The sculptor portrayed Mary tenderly sorrowful [k4: adverb instead of adjective] as tenderly sorrowful, dressed modestly and ordinarily, and Christ’s body tormented and fatigued [k4: incorrect parallel structure] as tormented and fatigued. Thus, Michelangelo made the mother look younger than her son, allegedly referring to Dante Alighieri’s lines “O virgin mother, daughter of your Son… Its [k4: incorrect possessive pronoun] His divine Creator didn’t hesitate to become its creature”. The light and shadow play also contributes [k4: subject-verb agreement] contribute to the dramatic impression of the Pietà. // Regarding its visual features, the Pietà shows the Virgin Mary cradling the body of Christ after the Crucifixion. Carved from white marble—a classic medium for monumental sculpture—the work masterfully mimics soft drapery, captures anatomical contours and subtle facial expressions, and achieves an elegant composition. Mary is rendered with tender grief, clad in simple garments, while Christ’s form shows signs of suffering and exhaustion. Notably, Michelangelo depicted Mary as younger than Jesus, a choice thought to allude to Dante’s verse: “O virgin mother, daughter of your Son… / Its divine Creator did not hesitate to become its creature.” The interplay of light and shadow further heightens the sculpture’s dramatic effect.

Undeniably, Buonarroti’s genius made history with this image of the Pietà, combining early realism with classical Renaissance beauty. For [k4: wrong preposition] Due to its cultural and religious significance, visual impact and artistic interconnection, the sculpture is considered a key piece of the Italian Renaissance and believed to start [k4: incorrect form of verbal] is believed to have started the new epoch of the High Renaissance. // Undoubtedly, Michelangelo’s genius left a historic mark with the Pietà, merging early naturalism with classical Renaissance ideals. Owing to its cultural and religious weight, visual power, and artistic synthesis, the work is regarded as a cornerstone of the Italian Renaissance and is seen as heralding the High Renaissance.

To summarise [k3: redundancy], the Pietà is fairly [k3: inaccurate word choice] widely believed to be one of the greatest sculptures of all time and a vivid symbol of Renaissance art. Capturing a religious scene, it remains great [k3: vague wording] By depicting a profound religious moment, it remains powerful to the present day. // In summary, the Pietà is rightly considered one of the finest sculptures ever created and a powerful emblem of Renaissance artistry. By capturing a poignant biblical moment, it retains its profound impact to this day.

Colonization

The video discusses the colonisation [k5: spelling inconsistency - use American English] colonization of America and its influence on the world. According to the speaker, while the discovery of America was unplanned, it still ended up having [k1: style too informal] nevertheless had a significant impact on the history of the Western world.

To begin with, the narrator outlines the events preceding the colonisation [k3: repetition]. The explorers are said to have desired reaching [k4: incorrect use of verbal] to reach Asia at the time. One of them was Christopher Columbus, who mistakenly landed on yet unexplored [k4: incorrect word order] unexplored yet fertile lands of America, consequentially [k3: unnatural/formal adverb] consequently attracting waves of colonisers [k3: repetition / tautology — the idea of colonisation is already expressed in the previous sentence, so repeating the same root is stylistically weak] settlers looking for goods.

Next, it is implied that the most beneficial outcome of the colonization was the exchange of people, animals and foods across the globe. The mixture of organisms and cultures is commonly believed to have reshaped the world and facilitated people’s lives [k3: vague/unidiomatic phrasing] improved living conditions.

However, the speaker acknowledges more tragical [k4: incorrect adjective form] more tragic consequences of the colonization, specifically for the Americans [k3: inaccurate word choice - ambiguous] indigenous peoples / Native Americans. They became subjected to war, slavery and yet unseen [k3: unnatural collocation] previously unknown diseases, which resulted into [k4: wrong preposition] in astonishing death rates amounting to 90% of the native population. The idea is further supported with [k4: preposition] supported by historical evidence of tremendous mortality on [k4: wrong preposition: the Bahamas is grammatically a plural proper noun, and plural place names take in, not on when we refer to the country as a whole] in the Bahamas and the Puxit [k4: wrong article - with single islands' names  we use the zero article+ k5: proper noun spelling - likely "Puxit" is incorrect / k1: factual accuracy / unclear reference] Island.

The last point made is about the metals exchange [k3: word repetition from earlier "exchange"]. Although the Europeans are alleged to have been searching for them in the Americas, they ended up being the ones who granted many valuable metals to the locals. In historical perspective,  [k3: collocation/style] From a historical perspective, it can surely be considered a very beneficial act for the natives [k1: style/register — informal and outdated in academic writing] indigenous peoples since the latter were still using ancient instruments [k3: inaccurate word choice] stone tools. / From a historical perspective, this can be seen as beneficial for indigenous communities, as many still relied on older tools.

To conclude, the video demonstrates that the colonization of America played a crucial role in the development of the whole Western world. The conquest had long-term consequences for both parties, both positive (such as the spread of foods and exchange of metals) and negative ones (like severe death rates among the natives). [k1: style/register — informal phrasing in academic writing; k3: repetition/tautology — "death rates", "the natives" have been used already] such as severe catastrophic lethality among indigenous populations.

IELTS essay

Whether advertising has more advantages or disadvantages is often debated. This essay will analyse this issue in an effort to prove product promotion unfavourable. [k1: style/clarity — “prove” is too categorical for IELTS; the thesis should clearly state your stance (e.g., outweigh)] analyse … argue that the disadvantages of advertising outweigh the advantages

Firstly, the modern online market situation presents several significant drawbacks, such as the difficulty of standing out.

Nowadays, when the media is already dazzled with touted products and services, it is barely possible for new brands to compete. [k3: lexical mistake — wrong collocation] [k3: lexical choice] saturated with … hardly 

• barely = almost not at all, but still possible

• hardly = almost not possible / practically impossible

Hence, promotion may turn out extremely labour intensive and financially tough. [k5: hyphenation/spelling convention] [k1: style/register — informal] labour-intensive … demanding

Additionally, the contemporary audience’s impenetrability further undermines the value of advertisements. [k3: lexical mistake — unnatural word choice for this meaning] scepticism

To exemplify, in many countries content creators have to sign their posts as paid partnerships if they promote something. [k1: style/register] [k3: collocation] For example, … have to label their posts as

In their turn, the masses tend to act distrusting if they see such marks. [k3: collocation] [k4: word form] In turn, … tend to be distrustful

They start to question the author’s honesty and the real quality of the product shown, thus the advertisement fails to fulfil its main purpose. [k5: punctuation / sentence structure — comma splice; needs a stronger break or restructuring] ; as a result,

Despite these disadvantages, certain aspects of product promotion may appear beneficial.

For instance, forming a circle of devoted customers by the means of advertising might seem appealing. [k3: lexical mistake — collocation] [k4: article] base … by means of

It should be remembered, however, that the market is currently replete with long-approved and respected brands, towards which the potential buyers’ loyalty is already established, so the chances of succeeding for others are slim. [k1: style/clarity — awkward phrasing; make the final clause more concise] chances of success for new entrants

In summary, despite a few potential benefits, the disadvantages of advertising clearly outweigh them.

Therefore, it is apparent that product promotion nowadays is unprofitable. [k1: style/strength of claim — too absolute for IELTS unless you qualify; prefer a measured conclusion] less profitable

A Friend in Need

‘What a peaceful day, son! Let’s have some ripe apples together,’ a genial woman chirped, squinting under the dazzling rays and stepping into the sunlit backyard. Indeed, the weather was so lovely and the day so tranquil that nothing hinted at any unexpected incidents approaching [k3: unnatural phrasing] ahead. //...that nothing suggested anything unexpected was about to happen. / ...that no trouble seemed to be brewing. Little did the family know what a case [k3: inaccurate word choice] scene they were going to witness…

‘Mom, the ground is rumbling!’ the boy suddenly yelled, trembling. The deafening stomping [k3: inaccurate word choice] stamping sent shivers all over the mom and son’s bodies [k3: unnatural collocation] mother and son, almost flipping a frail wooden table over… Then there was silence. //The deafening stamping sent shivers through them, nearly toppling the frail wooden table.

The unbidden guest, who was behind the noises, was standing just as astonished as the family. A little elephant, genuinely perplexed, curiously stretched his trunk and, perhaps, tried to high-five his new friend in the face of [k3: unnatural phrasing] toward the boy. //...and, perhaps, tried to high-five the boy by tapping him gently with his trunk. The latter, having recovered from shock [k4: missing article] the shock, awkwardly smiled and handed him a ripe banana, tenderly uttering: ‘You must be scared too, buddy… Let’s find your home! You’ll see, a friend in need is a friend indeed!’

Soon, with the help of a tamer, the grey-coloured guest was entering a colourful circus truck, all peaceful [k4: incorrect adverbial form + k3: unnatural phrasing] peacefully and smiling. The incident of being lost didn’t distress him a bit — on the contrary, it granted him two wonderful friends. Ever since, when the little elephant, flamboyantly dressed-up, was performing stunts in the circus, he had them right by his side in the audience, amazedly [k3: unnatural word choice] gasping in amazement and kindly laughing at his performances. //...he could always spot them in the front row, gasping in amazement and laughing warmly at his tricks.

COVER LETTER

Dear Mojo Vision staff, [k3: inappropriate word choice / unnatural professional address] Dear Mojo Vision Hiring Team, //Dear Hiring Manager, / Dear Recruitment Team,

I am submitting my application for the position of Content Writer & SMM Manager at your company. This position aligns closely with my professional interests in the field of media communications and technological education. Mojo Vision operating at the intersection of innovative device designing and technology popularisation, I propose my candidacy as a marketing writing expert. [k4: incorrect participial construction (dangling modifier) + k3: unnatural collocation] As Mojo Vision operates at the intersection of innovative device design and technology popularisation, I would like to propose my candidacy as a marketing writing specialist. //Given Mojo Vision’s position at the forefront of device innovation and technology outreach, I am eager to offer my expertise in marketing communication.

My professional experience lies primarily in creating promotional and explanatory content for the social media of [k4: wrong preposition] accounts of high-tech companies. With me having developed a special focus on adapting the material for different audiences, [k4: awkward participial construction + k3: unnatural phrasing] Having developed a strong focus on adapting materials for diverse audiences, my work is guaranteed to build trust with all viewers [k3: inaccurate word choice] target audiences through precise communication. [k1: overclaim – “is guaranteed” sounds too absolute in formal cover letter] //…my work consistently aims to build trust among target audiences through clear and accurate communication.

In addition to content creation, I am familiar with executing long-term promotional strategies. Strengthening a distinct brand identity and fostering profound audience engagement being my main goals, [k4: incorrect participial construction] As strengthening a distinct brand identity and fostering meaningful audience engagement are my main goals, I have been upgrading my understanding of the general audience and performance metrics from the first course of university [k3+k4: unnatural phrasing, wrong preposition] since my first year at university to the present day. Now I’m [k1: no short forms in formal writing] Now I am ready to implement my knowledge in my career. //I am now prepared to apply this knowledge in a professional context.

The concept of invisible wearable technologies strongly appeals to me. Smart contact lenses represent the future of devices, where they are deeply embedded in humans’ [k3: slightly unnatural possessive form, as you do not compare humans to other animals in this document] people’s daily lives. Thus, such innovation requires particularly careful messaging during promotion in order to be met hospitably [k3: inaccurate word choice] positively. I, in my turn, [k3: unnatural collocation] In turn/For my part, I am prepared to take responsibility for building a transparent public dialogue about privacy and balance. //Such innovation therefore requires thoughtful communication to ensure public trust and acceptance.

I would be pleased to further discuss how my skills could contribute to your company’s development and overall popularisation of wearable technologies like Mojo Lens. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Kind regards,
Victoria