To part 2 of homework
Letter 1
Hi [k1: style/register - in the RSE letter, the standard opening greeting is required] Dear Jane,
Thank you for your email. I'm always glad to hear from you!
In your email you asked me about chores. Of course, I have some family duties, namely, I wash the dishes and do the dusting. Once a month a [k3: wrong spelling] I clean the windows. The duty [k3: inaccurate word choice] chore I can't stand is hoovering, [k3: syntax – run-on phrases – separate independent phrases with a full stop or ';'] . My dad always does that indeed [k3: wrong spelling] instead of me, because I hate loud noises. In my opinion, helping parents is absolutely necessary, as they are usually busy and don't have a lot of leisure time. They also can [k3: incorrect word order] can also get sick, and in that case kids must take the responsibility of doing [ k3: wrong article + k3: wrong preposition] responsibility for doing chores.
In the email you also mentioned the kitten you got for your birthday [k3: awkward linking / less natural transition] As for the kitten you got for your birthday, I'd like to know more about it. Is your kitten red [k3: inaccurate word choice] ginger, like mine? Is it new-born [k3: wrong article + k3: wrong spelling] a newborn? Does it love you [k3: awkward phrasing] Is it affectionate?
Well, I need to go now. Mum mum needs help with the dinner.
That's all for now. Write back soon!
Best wishes,
Masha
k1[1]k2[2]k3[0]=3 out of 6
Letter
Currently, I am doing the a project on what kinds of friends teenagers have in Zetland. While doing the project, I have found a table illustrating the results of a survey conducted among teenagers in Zetland. I am going to analyse the data and comment on the subject of the project.
According to the table, while answering the question "What kinds of friends do you have?", 20% of the respondents choose [k4: wrong tense] chose "Friends by interests". "Family members" is opted by [k3: unnatural collocation + k4: wrong voice+k1: Bare comparison of percentages ("A" is chosen more than "B") is useful only to a certain extent. After 1–2 such sentences, you should reconnect the figures to the research focus itself, that is, what kinds of friends teenagers have. ] is chosen by 12%Family members are seen as friends by 12% of the respondents. , whereas "Other relatives" turns out to be the least common response, making up 3%.
Another aspect worth mentioning is the difference between certain options. "Schoolmates" is almost three times as common as the option "Online friends". [k1: Bare comparison of percentages ("A" is chosen more than "B") is useful only to a certain extent. After 1–2 such sentences, you should reconnect the figures to the research focus itself, that is, what kinds of friends teenagers have. ]Friendships with schoolmates are reported almost three times as often as friendships formed online. //The survey shows that teenagers regard schoolmates as friends almost three times as often as they do online contacts This might be explained by the fact that in cotrast [k5: wrong spelling] contrast to online comunication [k5: wrong spelling] communication, real-life communication is healthier, because you socialise and see the real reactions of people, and safer, as you know exactly who are you talking to. [k4: incorrect word order] you are talking to. [k2: an overloaded sentence: Try to split such sentences into shorter ones]This might be explained by the fact that, in contrast to online communication, real-life communication is healthier because people socialise face to face and can observe one another's real reactions. It is also safer, as teenagers usually know exactly who they are talking to. Besides, most teenagers go to school regularly, which is a good opportunity to make friends.
Unfortunately, a problem with friendship can arise. [k3: inaccurate word choice(not your fault,though, but the fault of the examiners who formulate the task using the preposition 'with')] there can arise a problem in a friendship. For instance, one can unintetnionally [k5: wrong spelling] unintentionally hurt their friend's feelings by speaking their mind incorrectly. [k3: awkward phrasing - "speak one's min is already a set phrase meaning 'be sincere' ] expressing their thoughts tactlessly // speaking their mind too harshly/ too bluntly. A solution to this problem can be choosing words carefully and making sure that it sounds intelligibly [k3: awkward phrasing(a too literal expression) + k4: adverb instead of adjective] the message sounds clear when talking to a friend.
To conclude, I believe that friendship is extremely important in teenagers' life, [k4: incorrect number form] teenagers' lives because it improves their social skills and gives them inspiration.
k1[3]k2[3]k3[2]k4[2]k5[1]=11 out of 14
April 20, 2026_RSE Letter Check
Dear Frank,
Thank you for your letter. I'm always glad to hear from you.
In the email you asked me about sport [k4: incorrect number form] sports. Asnwering [k5: wrong spelling] Answering your question, in my school PE classes take place on the air [k3: unnatural collocation] outdoors. There is a huge football field and a pool near the school. Personally, I keep fit by walking three hours [k4: wrong preposition / missing frequency marker] for three hours a day. I can hang [k3: inaccurate word choice] walk around in my city for hours [k3: tautology] ages because I love it's [k4: incorrect pronoun] its unusual old narrow streets. Honestly, I do not like doing sports because getting sweaty is uncomfortable for me. Nethertheless [k5: wrong spelling] Nevertheless, there is an exception, namely, tennis. It's definitely my favourite sport game [k3: unnatural collocation] sport, as I concentrate on pitches [k3: inaccurate word choice] shots and always win. I have a natural talant [k5: wrong spelling] talent of predicting [k4: wrong preposition] for predicting a serve's direction.
In your email, you asked me about sports. Answering your question, PE classes at my school take place outdoors. Personally, I keep fit by walking for three hours a day, and I can walk around my city for ages because I love its unusual old narrow streets. Honestly, I do not really enjoy sport because I hate getting sweaty. Nevertheless, there is one exception: tennis. It is definitely my favourite sport because I can stay focused on the shots and I am quite good at predicting the direction of a serve.
In your email you mentioned an essay on ancient history that you have written. How long is it? [k1: vague question] How many pages is it? In what language has it been written? Does it have an introdiction [k5: wrong spelling] introduction?
Sorry, I have to go now. My lesson starts soon.
That's all for now. Write back soon!
Yours,
Masha
April 20, 2026_RSE Essay Check
38.2 Currently, I am doing a project on how grown-ups in Zetland relax after a long working day. While doing the project, I have found a pie chart illustrating the results of a survey conducted among adults in Zetland. The data is going to be analysed and a comment on the subject of the project is going to be given by me. [k1: awkward register + k3: unnatural phrasing] The data presented below will be analysed, and conclusions will be drawn.
According to the pie chart, while answering the question "How do you relax after a long working day?", 9% of the respondents chose "Playing videogames [k5: no spelling consistency – use either British or American spelling throughout the expression] video games". Additionally, 15% of the surveyed [k3: unnatural wording] the respondents prefer reading a book. "Listening to music turns out to be the least common response, making up 4%.
According to the pie chart, 9% of the respondents chose playing video games after work in the evening. In addition, 15% prefer reading a book after then. Listening to music, by contrast, is the least common response, accounting for only 4%.
It is worth mentioning an important difference between some options in the survey. Namely, taking a nap is a 45% less common way of having rest [k3: I would still not recommend using this formulation... It does sound less idiomatic] 45% less common as a way of having a rest than watching TV. This can be explained by the fact that adults may consider sleeping a more effective way to recharge their batteries than looking at a screen. [k2/k1: illogical flow -this explanation contradicts the previous comparison because if adults considered sleep more effective, taking a nap would be expected to be more, not less, common than watching TV] This may be because watching TV is a widespread and easily accessible way to relax, especially in the evening, when people often catch up on the latest news and watch popular shows.>
It is also worth mentioning a significant difference between watching TV and taking a nap. The former is 45% more common than the latter. This may be because watching TV is a widespread and easily accessible way to relax, especially in the evening, when people often catch up on the latest news and watch popular shows.
Unfortunately, a problem can arise when being too tired. One can become irritated because of exhaustion and be too harsh to [k4: wrong preposition] with the family. This problem can be tackled by patiently explaining to people that are close to you [k3: unnatural phrasing] who are close to you that you are tired and telling that [k/k43: unnatural phrasing] telling them that you appreciate them.
Unfortunately, being too tired can cause problems, as people may become irritable and treat their family too harshly. One possible solution is to explain patiently to those close to you that you are exhausted and still appreciate their support.
To conclude, I believe that the role of relaxation for those who work hard is crucial. It is essential to recover from hard work; otherwise, one can loose [k5: wrong spelling] lose the motivation to continue doing a job or become depressed and stressed out.
To conclude, I believe that relaxation plays a crucial role in the lives of people who work hard. It is essential to recover after work; otherwise, a person may lose motivation and become stressed or even depressed.
lose vs loose, talent
RSE Letter_Sustainability
[k0: possible word-limit problem] The letter is about 175 words; it should be shortened.
Dear Ann,
Thank you for your email. I'm always glad to hear from you.
In the [k3: inaccurate word choice / letter convention] your email you asked me about environmental protection. Fortunately, in my country young people are aware of ecological [k3: less natural collocation] environmental issues and take measures to save our nature [k3: unnatural collocation] protect nature / protect the environment.
In your email, you asked me about environmental protection. Fortunately, young people in my country are aware of environmental issues and try to protect the environment.
In particular, they organise clean-up campaigns to collect rubbish every Saturday.
On top of that, there is a huge movement where I live called "Green planet" [k5: capitalization error] Planet, which [k4: incorrect relative determiner] whose goal is to draw [k4: missing article] the goverment's [k5: wrong spelling] government's attention to the [k4: wrong article] Ø air, soil and water pollution in our country.
There is also a large environmental movement called "Green Planet" where I live, whose goal is to draw the government's attention to air, soil and water pollution.
It organises demonstrations and meetings with catchy mottos [k3: unnatural collocation] slogans.
It organises demonstrations and public meetings with memorable slogans.
As for me, I wouldn't like [k3: inaccurate phrasing] wouldn't want to start a green movement, as I can't unite people and lead them, because I'm shy and unsociable [k2: redundant / awkward explanation + k3: unnatural phrasing] because I am too shy and not confident enough to bring people together and lead them.
Personally, I wouldn't want to start a green movement because I am too shy to lead people and bring them together.
In your email you mentioned that you're going on holiday next week. Where are you going to spend it? What are you going to do on the holidays [k4: wrong preposition/article + k3: unnatural phrasing] on holiday? Are you going to take up a new hobby [k0: task fulfilment — the question is not clearly connected with the holiday] alone or with your parents?
Where are you going to spend your holiday? What are you going to do there? Who are you going on holiday with?
Sorry, I have to go now. I have to [k3: repetition] need to do my homework.
That's all for now. Write back soon.
Best wishes,
Masha
RSE Essay on helping the environment
Currently, I am doing a project on what young people in Zetland do to help the environment. While doing the project, I have found a pie chart illustrating the results of a survey conducted among young people in Zetland. The data is going to be analysed and conclusions are going to be drawn. [k1: style/register — mechanical template wording + k2: weak transition to analysis] I will analyse the data and draw relevant conclusions.
The data will be analysed below, and relevant conclusions will be drawn.
According to the pie chart, 15% or [k5: typo / wrong spelling] of the respondents reuse clothes, furniture, etc . [k5: punctuation] , to help the environment. In addition, 17% prefer saving water by taking a shower, perhaps, instead of a bath [k1: off-topic wording — the phrase shifts the focus from helping the environment to the method of saving water] help the environment by saving water when taking showers.
According to the pie chart, 15% of the respondents reuse clothes, furniture and other items, while 17% care about the environment by saving water when taking a shower.It is worth mentioning the difference between the options "Recycle rubbish" and "Turn off the lights". The former is twice as common as the latter. [k0: task achievement — incorrect interpretation of the chart + k2: factual incoherence+ k1/k2: sense - It not the question of how common these options in opinion polls are, but how often they were chosen in this particular poll!] The latter is chosen about twice as frequently as the former. This can be explained by the fact that recycling service might not be presented [k3: inaccurate word choice] available in the city, whereas saving electicity [k5: wrong spelling] electricity by turning off the lights is an available way of reducing energy comsumption [k5: wrong spelling] consumption for everyone.
This may be because turning off lights is simple and available to everyone, while recycling facilities may not be equally accessible everywhere.
Unfortunately, a problem can arise if people stop helping the environment. For example, the release of greenhouse gases will destroy the ozone layer [k2: factual/logical inaccuracy — greenhouse gases are mainly connected with climate change, while ozone-layer depletion is a different environmental issue] increase global warming, if people don't [k1: no short forms in formal writing!!!] do not reduce using [k4: misuse of gerund] their use of fossil fuels like oil and coal. That will lead to global warming, and therefore affect on [k4: wrong verb pattern — “affect” takes a direct object] affect crop production and cause animals' extinction [k3: unnatural collocation] the extinction of animal species.
If people stop helping the environment, energy consumption and pollution may increase. As a result, climate change may become more severe, which could damage agriculture and threaten many animal species. One possible solution is to encourage people to save electricity, recycle waste and use resources more responsibly.
In conclusion, everyone must be mindful of the disposion [k5: wrong spelling] disposal of waste and make small steps to [k4: wrong preposition] towards [k4: missing article] a safer and cleaner enmironment [k5: wrong spelling] environment by adopting eco-friendly habits.
In conclusion, I believe that helping the environment is extremely important because even small daily actions, such as saving water, turning off lights and recycling waste, can reduce pollution and make the planet cleaner and safer.
Not a bad essay
Comparing two pics on environmental protection
There is a group of people collecting some rubbish [k3: less natural collocation] picking up litter (on a street).
The first photo shows a group of people picking up litter in the street.
The ohotos show two ways of cont'ributing to environmental protection / protecting the environment: by planting trees and by collecting a litter [k4: wrong article] litter.
If one is collects rubbish [k3: less natural wording for this context] people collect litter, they see the immediate result of their effort [k4: incorrect number form] efforts.
If people pick up litter, they can see the immediate results of their efforts.
As for planting trees, its main upside [k1: slightly informal wording, but ok in this context] advantage is that the tree will stay, will grow for many year, and it will give a long-term result [k3: unnatural phrasing + k4: incorrect number form] trees can remain there for many years and bring long-term environmental benefits.
As for planting trees, its main advantage is that trees can grow for many years and bring long-term environmental benefits.
On the negative side, cleaning up the neighbourhood can be disadventageous [k3: unnatural word choice] has a drawback, because one can get an infection while collecting dirty rubbish [k3: less precise wording] contaminated waste.
On the negative side, cleaning up the neighbourhood has a drawback: people may get an infection if they handle contaminated waste without gloves.
As for planting trees, if a cataclism [k3: inaccurate / too dramatic word choice, but ok here!] a natural disaster / extreme weather event happens, the tree [k3: inaccurate reference — better to generalise] young trees might die or get rotten [k3: unnatural collocation] rot.
As for planting trees, young trees may die if there is a drought, a storm or another extreme weather event.
Personally, i prefer planting trees because I like the flora [k3: unnatural word choice in this context, k4: wrong article] plants and nature and the process of gardening [k3: awkward phrasing] gardening itself.
Personally, I prefer planting trees as a way of protecting the environment because I like plants, nature and gardening itself.
k1[4]k2[3]k3[2]= 9 out of 10
May, 29, 2026
RSE Letter Check
Dear Jane,
Thank you for your email. I'm always glad to hear from you.
In your email you asked me about places. Fortunately, I have travelled a lot around Russia. On holidays my family and I usually hit the road to see the Pacific ocean [k5: capitalization error] Ocean and Kamchatka, which is far away from my home. Personally, If [k5: capitalization error] if I had a chance, I would go to Japan, because it's a wonderful country with authentic culture [k3: unnatural collocation] a distinctive culture. On holidays, my family and I usually set off on trips to see the Pacific Ocean and Kamchatka, which are a long way from my home. Personally, if I had the chance, I would go to Japan because it is a wonderful country with a distinctive culture.
[k2: link word/phrase missing] In Japan, I dream of seeing Fudji mountain [k5: wrong spelling] Mount Fuji and Osaka. [k1: explanation missing - Why do you drea n of Mount Fuji and Osaka?] As for my region, it's full of interesting places too. Namely, there are many waterfalls and caves near my village. I dream of seeing Mount Fuji and visiting Osaka, which are something truly exotic to me. As for my region, it is full of interesting places as well. For example, there are many waterfalls and caves near my village.
In the email you mentioned that you plan to go to the mountains. How long are you going to be on a trip [k3: unnatural collocation] there? In what country are you going to? [k1: vague / unnatural question] Which country are you going to? By what means of transport are you going? In your email, you mentioned that you are planning to go to the mountains. How long are you going to stay there? Which country are you going to? How are you going to get there?
Sorry, I have to go now. My mom needs my help. Write back soon!
Best wishes,
Mary
Potentially missed or debatable issues
1. places [k3: possibly too vague for the topic] places to visit / travelling — this is understandable, but the wording is slightly broad.
2. By what means of transport are you going? [k1: possibly too formal for a friendly letter] How are you going to get there? — grammatically correct, but rather formal for this genre.
RSE Essay_Ways of Travelling
Currently, I am doing a project on popular ways of travelling in Zetland. While doing the project, I have found a table illustrating the results of a survey conducted among Zetlanders. The data will be analysed below and conclusions will be drawn. Currently, I am doing a project on popular ways of travelling in Zetland. While working on the project, I have found a table illustrating the results of a survey conducted among people in Zetland. The data/findings will be analysed below, and conclusions will be drawn.
According to the table, 28% of the respondents chose train [k4: wrong article] the train as a means of transport for travelling when answering on [k4: wrong preposition] answering the survey question. Additionally, going by car turns out to be the most popular way of travelling, making up 41%. According to the table, 28% of the respondents chose the train as their means of transport when answering the survey question. In addition, travelling by car turns out to be the most popular way of travelling, accounting for 41%.
It is worth mentioning the difference between the options "By bus" and "By plane" in the survey. The former is three times as common as the latter _?_ [k1: numbers missing!]. This can be because [k3: unnatural phrasing] This may be because travelling by bus is usually cheaper than by plane [k3: incomplete comparison] travelling by plane. Besides, it might be considered to be safer [k3: wordiness / unnatural phrasing] may be considered safer due to many well-known accidents on flights. It is also worth mentioning the difference between the options "By bus" and "By plane" in the survey. The former is three times as common as the latter: at ...% and ...% respectively. This may be because travelling by bus is usually cheaper than travelling by plane. Besides, buses may be considered safer because people often hear about well-known air disasters.
Unfortunately, one can face a problem when travelling. For instance, they [k4: incorrect pronoun] travellers might get lost in a city. A solution to this problem can be asking people around for help or using the application with maps [k3: unnatural phrasing] a map application on your [k4: incorrect pronoun] a mobile phone. Travellers may sometimes face difficulties during a trip. For example, they may get lost in an unfamiliar city. In that case, they can ask passers-by for help or use a map app on their phone.
To conclude, I believe that the best way of travelling is going by bicycle [k3: unnatural collocation] travelling by bicycle. It is benefitial [k5: wrong spelling] beneficial because it is harmless for the environment and can improve one's health. To conclude, I believe that the best way of travelling is by bicycle. It is beneficial because it does not harm the environment and can improve people's health.
Potentially missed or debatable issues
1. popular ways of travelling [k3: possibly slightly broad wording] popular means of transport / popular ways to travel — the original is acceptable, but these variants sound a little more precise for survey analysis.
2. Zetlanders [k3: possibly awkward demonym] people in Zetland / residents of Zetland — acceptable if this demonym is expected in the task, but it may sound slightly artificial.
3. well-known accidents on flights [k3: debatable collocation] well-known plane crashes / air accidents — the meaning is clear, but the collocation could be made more idiomatic.
May,1, 2026
RSE Letter Check
Dear Mike,
Thank you for your email. I'm always glad to hear from you.
In the email you asked me about projects [k3: possibly too vague wording] school projects. Of course, I have some projects for school. For example, recently I made a project on [k3: slightly awkward collocation] did a project about ecological problems in Russia. However, it is not necessary to make [k3: unnatural phrasing] not compulsory to do them in my school; only the history teacher tells us to do presentations every week, as she is very demanding. In your email, you asked me about school projects. Of course, I have some at school. For example, I recently did a project about environmental problems in Russia. However, such tasks are not compulsory in my school; only our history teacher makes us prepare presentations every week because she is very demanding.
Personally, I prefer written reports, because I'm talking slowly [k4: wrong verb form + k3: unnatural phrasing] I speak slowly and it irritates people. Personally, I prefer written reports because I speak rather slowly, and I feel that this can annoy people.
In the email you mentioned the experimental group your brother studies in. Did the experiment surprise you? Were you angry about it? Does [k4: wrong subject-word agreement] Does it is [k4: wrong verb form] inspire you? In your email, you mentioned the experimental group your brother studies in. Did the experiment surprise you? Were you upset about it? Does it inspire you?
Sorry, I have to go by [k3: inaccurate word choice] now. I have a huge school backlog [k3: unnatural collocation] backlog of schoolwork, so I should study hard. Sorry, I have to go now. I have a huge backlog of schoolwork, so I need to study hard.
Write back soon!
Best wishes,
Masha
Potentially missed or debatable issues
1. ecological problems [k3: debatable collocation] environmental problems — both are possible, but environmental problems is more standard.
2. Were you angry about it? [k3: possibly slightly blunt wording] Were you upset about it? — the original is understandable, but upset sounds more natural here.
Mini-essay
With the progress of techology [k5: wrong spelling] technology, and especially AI, people might not know how to use it, whether it is dangerous and if it will replace humans on [k4: wrong preposition] in ___ [k2: unfinished phrase -- What professions?] professions. With the rapid development of technology, especially AI, people may feel uncertain about how to use it, whether it poses any risks, and whether it will replace humans in certain professions.
Some people suggest AI to domenate [k4: incorrect verb pattern + k5: wrong spelling] that AI will dominate in the future world, others [k5: run-on sentence] while others deside [k5: wrong spelling] decide not to use it at all. Some people predict that AI will dominate the world in the future, while others prefer to avoid using it altogether.
The narrator thinks that AI should be used as a tool. He says that in changing world [k4: wrong article] a changing world students should learn soft skills, improve empathy, slow down and stick to lo-fi tools. The narrator argues that AI should be treated as a tool rather than a replacement for human abilities.
On the other hand, he persuade [k4: subject-verb agreement] persuades us that students had better combined [k4: wrong verb form] combine lo-fi and modern tools. [k2: incorrect linking — “On the other hand” introduces contrast, but this sentence continues the same idea] Moreover, he argues that students had better combine lo-fi and modern tools.
RSE letter
Dear Mike,
Thank you for your email. I'm always glad to hear from you.
In the email you asked me about school projects. Of course, I have some projects for school, for example, recently I made [k3: unnatural collocation] did a project on ecological problems in Russia. However, it is not compulsory to make [k2: missing logical element + k4: misuse of verb] do projects in my school; only [k3: inaccurate word choice / Russian interference] it is just that the history teacher tells us to do presentations every week, as she is very demanding. Personally, I prefer written reports because I speak slowly and I feel that this usually irritates people.
In the email you mentioned the experimental group your brother studies in. [Did the experiment surprise you? Were you angry about it? Does it inspire you? [k2: weak logic / unnatural follow-up question] Do you think it will be useful for him? ][k1: off-topic!] Too many general questions. Ask special questions.
Sorry, I have to go by now [k3: unnatural collocation] now. I have a huge backlog of school work, so I should study hard [k3: inaccurate word choice] get down to studying. Write back soon!
Best wishes,
Masha
May, 08, 2026
Dear Jane,
Thank you for your email. I'm always glad to hear from you.
In the email you asked me about celebrations. Personally, I'm used to make [k4: misuse of a verbal] making pizzas and a cake with the help of my brother on special occasions. //Personally, I usually make pizzas and cakes together with my brother on special occasions.
As for entertainig [k5: wrong spelling] entertaining people, we usually have family gatherings once a year, on Christmas, and my relatives ask me to dance at this celebration/event, as I'm into gymnastics. [k2: The jury may not find logical connection between dancing and gymnastics] it AND QUITE GOOD AT MODERN STYLES //As for entertaining guests, we usually have a family gathering at Christmas, and my relatives often ask me to dance because I do gymnastics.
By the way, I prefer spending holidays at home because I'm a homebody. I hate noise and thus avoid public places like clubs and cafes. //Besides, I prefer quiet holidays at home because I am not very fond of noisy places such as clubs or cafés.
In the email you mentioned that your middle brother has won the school tennis tournament. Congrats! How old is he? Has he always been sportive [k3: inaccurate word choice] athletic? What good traits of character does he have? //What positive personality traits does he have?[4k1: All the questions are off-topic! The question should be asked about winning the school tennis tournament! Write other questions here - about the tournament and Jane's brother' participation and victory in it!
Sorry, I need to go now. My Math [k1: register/style — abbreviated subject names are less suitable in this type of letter] Maths lesson starts in 5 minutes! Write back soon.
Best wishes,
Mary
Essay
Currently, I am doing a project on what traditional holiday is considered the most important in Zetland. I have found a pie chart illustrating the results of a survey conducted among people in Zetland. The data will be analysed below and conclusions will be drawn.
According to the diagram, while answering the question "What traditional holiday is considered the most important in Zetland?", 16% of the respondents opted for "Christmas". Additionaly [k5: wrong spelling] Additionally, the most common option [k3: imprecise wording — specify that it is the most frequently chosen answer in the survey] the most frequently chosen option among respondents turns out to be [k1: style/register — too conversational for graph description] is "National day" [k5: capitalization] "National Day", making up 44% [not a mistake; “accounting for 44%” is a more formal graph-description alternative] //National Day was the most frequently selected answer, accounting for 44% of responses.. On top of that, Easter is considered the most important holiday in Zetland by 15% of respondents. //According to the diagram, National Day is the most popular option, accounting for 44%, while Christmas and Easter are chosen by 16% and 15% of respondents respectively.
It is worth mentioning the difference between the options "Mother's Day" and "New Year".
The latter is almost three times as common as [k3: imprecise wording — it may sound as if the holiday itself is generally “common” as a survey option; specify that it was chosen by more respondents] as frequently selected as the former, at 19% and 6% respectively.
as the former, at 6% and 19% respectively [k2: incorrect order of data] 19% and 6% respectively//The latter was selected by almost three times as many respondents as the former, accounting for 19% and 6% respectively.. This may be because New Year is a symbol of a new life [k3: unnatural collocation] new beginnings and a fresh start and is celebrated internationally. Mother's Day, on the contrast [k3: unnatural linking phrase] by contrast, might be avoided in patriarchal families and can be a sad day if one's mother is gone. //This difference may be explained by the fact that New Year is widely associated with new beginnings and is celebrated internationally, whereas Mother's Day may be less universally relevant to all families.
Unfortunately, a problem can arise when celebrating traditional holidays. One can struggle with choosing a present for friends or relatives. A solution to this problem can be buying [k3: unnatural phrasing] could be to buy some tools for the hobby that interests them or a certificate to a saloon [k3: inaccurate word choice] salon, a sport club [k3: unnatural collocation] sports club or a shop, depending on what they love doing. //One possible solution would be to give a gift certificate for a salon, a sports club or a shop, depending on the person’s interests.
To conclude, I believe that celebrating traditional holidays in families is crucial. The reason I think so is the fact that it can strengthen bounds [k3: inaccurate word choice] bonds and improve the sense of belonging in families. //In my opinion, celebrating traditional holidays within families is important because it strengthens family bonds and creates a deeper sense of belonging.
A good essay overall! I especially appreciate your effort to use more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. You are clearly trying to make your writing richer and more expressive, which is a very good sign. Some of these phrases still need a little more precision in usage and collocation, but your readiness to use them is a strong step forward. Keep experimenting with higher-level language — with a bit more attention to natural phrasing, it will make your writing even stronger.