The Paradox of Choice

The lecture challenges the theories presented in the reading passage regarding the paradox of choice [tip: rephrasing can sometimes be required] /concept of excessive choice.  It is an idea that [k4: too simple phrase structure] , which states that many choice options [k4: incorrect phrase structure] having too many options will affect badly on the person [k4: wrong preposition + k4: incorrect word order] affect the person negatively. In text author writes [k4: incorrect article use+ k5: syntax] the text, the author writes that the paradox isn’t a paradox [k4: inappropriate repetition] is not truly a paradox and that having multiple options to choose [k4: preposition missing] from is good [k3: primitive word] beneficial. Speaker [k4: missing article] The speaker in the lecture thinks the opposite./The speaker in the lecture, for one, holds the opposite view.

Firstly, it disputes [k2: unclear reference] the speaker disputes the hypothesis that if you have big choice variability [k4: unnatural collocation] a wide range of choices, you can find what works best for you, arguing that exploring [k4: incorrect gerund use] having too many options is mentally exhausting and decreases your productivity, because you thinking [k4: incorrect verb form] you think too much. [k1: elaboration/example missing] It can even lead to the so-called decision fatigue - an increasing feeling of exhaustion towards the end of the day.

Secondly, it refutes the idea of progressing by finding the best alternatives and companies making better products [k4: awkward and bulky phrasing-too many Gerunds] improving through discovering the best alternatives and encouraging companies to create better products by pointing out that quality of this products [k4: incorrect article & demonstrative pronoun use] the quality of these products won’t [k1: no short forms in formal writing!] will not improve . / Secondly, the lecturer refutes the idea that wide assortments fuel progress in corresponding industries, arguing that the quality of these products is still not likely to improve.  [k1: elaboration/example missing] As a result, the market ends up being filled with mediocre, poor quality products and services, inevitably impeding technological progress.

Finally, it questions the theory of us getting better [k4: informal style] self-improvement by finding what is really important to us and by that understanding ourselves [k4: unnatural phrasing] thus gaining self-awareness, noting that people becoming [k4: incorrect verb form] are becoming lazy and not trying to be better, suggesting that they won’t [k1: no short forms in formal writing!] will not try to seek alternatives.Finally, it questions the idea that people improve by identifying what matters to them and gaining self-awareness. On the opposite, it argues that people become lazy, stop striving for growth, and avoid seeking alternatives. [k1: elaboration/example missing] The speaker adds that complacency, developed as a side-effect of decision fatigue, undermines success in our professional spheres.

Score: 3-4 (average), 15-17=limited-fair (scaled)

 

Average score	Scaled score	criteria
5	24-30 = Good	A fully successful response The response is a relevant and very clearly expressed contribution to the online discussion, and it demonstrates consistent facility in the use of language. A typical response displays the following: • [k1, k2]            Relevant and well-elaborated explanations, exemplifications, and/or details • [k2, k3, k5]      Effective use of a variety of syntactic structures and precise, idiomatic word choice • [k3, k4]            Almost no lexical or grammatical errors other than those expected from a competent writer writing under timed conditions (e.g., common typos or common misspellings or substitutions like there/their)
4	17-23 = Fair	A generally successful response The response is a relevant contribution to the online discussion, and facility in the use of language allows the writer’s ideas to be easily understood. A typical response displays the following: •            Relevant and adequately elaborated explanations, exemplifications, and/or details •            A variety of syntactic structures and appropriate word choice •            Few lexical or grammatical errors
3	1-16 = Limited	A partially successful response The response is a mostly relevant and mostly understandable contribution to the online discussion, and there is some facility in the use of language. A typical response displays the following: •            Elaboration in which part of an explanation, example, or detail may be missing, unclear, or irrelevant •            Some variety in syntactic structures and a range of vocabulary •            Some noticeable lexical and grammatical errors in sentence structure, word form, or use of idiomatic language
2		A mostly unsuccessful response The response reflects an attempt to contribute to the online discussion, but limitations in the use of language may make ideas hard to follow. A typical response displays the following: •            Ideas that may be poorly elaborated or only partially relevant •            A limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary •            An accumulation of errors in sentence structure, word forms, or use
1		An unsuccessful response The response reflects an ineffective attempt to contribute to the online discussion, and limitations in the use of language may prevent the expression of ideas. A typical response may display the following: •            Words and phrases that indicate an attempt to address the task but with few or no coherent ideas •            Severely limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary •            Serious and frequent errors in the use of language •            Minimal original language; any coherent language is mostly borrowed from the stimulus
0		The response is blank, rejects the topic, is not in English, is entirely copied from the prompt, is entirely unconnected to the prompt, or consists of arbitrary keystrokes.

Independent writing_inventions

This is a controversial topic, but I think that one of the most important inventions is computer games [k3: consider a more authentic word] video games. I really like Lena’s idea that vitamins help us be healthy. [k2: sense]

I’d add that computer games also help your mind health [k3: incorrect wording ] your mental health and release your stress [k3: wrong word] relieve stress /blow off steam.

Paul raised the relevant point that space satellites make our telecommunication better, but he didn’t mention for what we need to communicate online [k4: awkward phrasing] why we need online communication. /  why online communication is essential. After all, staying connected is a two-way street, and many times, people use computers and phones to chat with their friends while playing some games together [k3: wordiness] games with them. /They provide an engaging escape from daily stress, allowing players to recharge their minds.

So, in conclusion, I think that computer games don’t mean less than vitamins and space satellites for many people. You can have fun, discuss them with your friend [k4: incorrect singular/plural form] discuss them with your friends and calm your mind. There is always a game that will be suitable for you [k3: unnatural phrasing] fits your interests. With such a wide variety available, there is always a game that hits the nail on the head in terms of personal interests and preferences.

 

TOEFL Integrated Writing – The Lecture Challenges the Theories on the Collapse of Eastern Mediterranean Civilizations

The lecture challenges the theories presented in the reading passage regarding the reason why almost all Eastern Mediterranean civilizations collapsed.

Firstly, it disputes the hypothesis that climate change and natural disasters ruined all of them, destroying agriculture and infrastructure, causing migrations, arguing that scientists say that climate in this period was stable and did not affect on plants differently than years before [k4: incorrect article usage + k4: wrong preposition + k3: awkward phrasing] the climate during this period remained stable and did not influence vegetation differently from previous years. // Research findings suggest that environmental conditions did not fluctuate enough to cause significant damage to crops. Even though if [k4: incorrect conjunction combination] if there were earthquakes, all civilizations would have collapsed in the same time, but they have not [k3: incorrect time expression + k4: incorrect tense] all civilizations would have fallen simultaneously, yet they did not. // If tectonic activity had been the main cause, historical records would indicate a synchronized downfall.

Secondly, it refutes the idea that _army of pirates, called “Sea people”, became a reason why everything was destroyed [k4: incorrect article usage + k3: awkward phrasing] a group of pirates known as the “Sea People” caused widespread devastation by pointing out that they are likely to be in many small groups than in one big [k4: incorrect comparative structure] were probably divided into multiple small factions rather than forming a single large force, and because of low quantities of people in this groups [k3: incorrect phrase] the limited number of individuals in those bands, they were not strong enough and would likely to lose against militaries of big civilizations [k4: incorrect infinitive structure + k3: unnatural phrasing] would have been easily defeated by the armies of major states. // Given their numerical disadvantage, these raiders lacked the capability to overpower well-organized forces.

Finally, it questions the theory that these civilizations’ political and economic instability created inequalities between people and by that was the reason of downfall [k4: incorrect phrase] thus led to their collapse, noting that this problem was not unique and was a natural feature of that time, suggesting that this problem was many years before and did not do much negative effect earlier as a factor [k4: incorrect tense + k3: unnatural phrasing] similar societal struggles had existed for centuries without triggering large-scale destruction. // Economic instability and political unrest were persistent throughout history, yet they had not previously resulted in total societal collapse.

TEST1_Independent Writing

While I appreciate the points mentioned by James and Emily, I think that place that will be better for your work [k3: awkward phrasing + generic expression] the best working environment depends on your own character.

Remember that some people are introverts and others are extraverts [k5: spelling inconsistency – use “extrovert” to match “introvert”] extroverts, so extravert of course would be happy to work in a big group and be surrounded by people [k1: overly generic phrasing – lacks nuance or elaboration+k4: article missing + word order] an extrovert, of course, would be happy to work in a big group and be surrounded by people. Extroverts often thrive in collaborative spaces where they can exchange ideas and draw energy from social interaction. On the other hand, introverts will be more productive when they are alone and can focus on themselves.

Different workers like different things [k1: generic statement – lacks specific insight or development] Workplace effectiveness varies significantly based on personality traits, such as whether someone values autonomy or seeks social stimulation, and it cannot be said that working from home or from office [k4: missing article] from the office is better for everyone.  [k2: flow – link phrase missing] Therefore, Your preferable place [k3: unnatural collocation] your preferred working environment depends on who you are and your own preferences.

[k1:120 words - not enough- a minimum of 120 words needed!]

Scoring Estimate: 3.0–3.5 / 5.0 (≈ 18–20/ 30)

 1. Task Achievement – 4/5

• ✅ Clear position stated (the choice of workplace depends on personality).
• ✅ Responds to both classmates (James and Emily).
• ⚠ Could benefit from stronger elaboration or examples.
• ⚠ Some parts sound generic rather than personalized or analytical.

 2. Coherence and Cohesion – 4/5

• ✅ Clear paragraphing and logical progression.
• ✅ Basic contrast structure (introverts vs. extroverts).
• ⚠ Some repetition of ideas ("depends on who you are and your own preferences").
• ⚠ Transitions could be more varied and academic. "Therefore," etc ...

 3. Language Use – 3.5/5

• ✅ Vocabulary is mostly appropriate, but:
  •  Expressions like "preferable place" and "from office" are unnatural.
  • Some awkward phrasing ("place that will be better for your work").
• ✅ Grammar is generally accurate but has issues with articles, phrasing, and collocations.
• ⚠ A few sentences are overly spoken-like, not academic enough.

 Final Recommendation:

To move closer to a full 5.0 (29–30), you could:

• Use richer vocabulary and idioms (e.g., "some people thrive in social environments, while others perform better in solitude").
• Provide more specific reasoning or examples.

Avoid repetitive structures and refine phrasing for a more polished tone

Sample ( to be learnt by heart)

While I acknowledge the valid perspectives presented by James and Emily, I believe that the ideal working environment depends largely on an individual's personality traits and cognitive preferences.

Some people are introverts, meaning they perform best in quiet, independent settings with minimal social interaction. These individuals often concentrate better when working alone and may find office environments distracting or mentally draining. On the other hand, extroverts typically thrive in dynamic, group-oriented settings where they can collaborate, exchange ideas, and draw energy from those around them.

Both working from home and working in an office have their merits, but neither can be considered universally superior. Productivity and satisfaction stem from how well the environment aligns with the worker’s needs. For instance, remote work may allow for greater flexibility and focus, while office settings can foster teamwork and creativity.

Therefore, your preferred working environment depends on who you are and your own preferences.

Antibiotics

Integrated writing

The lecture challenges the claims made in the reading passage regarding and [k4: incorrect word form + k2: coherence issue] the influence of antibiotics in today’s life.

Firstly, it challenges the idea that penicillin is a wonder drug that can easily recover [k3: unnatural collocation] heal the human body from illness [k4: article error] an illness, asserting that even though it useful [k4: missing verb] it is useful, nowadays you need to use more of it to cure yourself and do not help all the time [k2: coherence issue + k4: wrong verb form] higher doses are required and it does not always work. It happens because of bacteria becomes resistant [k4: incorrect preposition + wrong verb form, because 'bacteria' is plural, the singular form is 'bacterium'] bacteria become resistant to antibiotics.

Secondly, it questions the validity of the statement that penicillin is a cure from [k4: wrong preposition] for tuberculosis, explaining that it used to help earlier [k1: informal phrasing] it was effective in the past but now tuberculosis bacteria changed too and it becomes [k4: wrong tense + subject-verb agreement] have also changed and it has become a problem again. Lecturer explains [k4: article missing] The lecturer explains why this happened. When antibiotics cure an illness, they kill almost all colony [k4: wrong number form] colonies of bacteria that created [k3: inaccurate verb choice – illness is not created by bacteria] caused it, but few [k4: article missing + k2: coherence – few of them implies known count, but here it's indefinite] a few of them do not die because they a gene that resistant [k4: missing verb + incorrect relative clause] survive because they carry a gene that is resistant to these antibiotics.

In summary, while the reading passage presents antibiotics as a magical cure that transformed healthcare by creating an ability [k3: tautology – repeated use of 'ability'] a means to rely not only on body ability [k3: tautology + k4: missing article + word choice] the body’s natural healing but also on medical help, the lecture provides a more cautionary perspective, focusing on bacteria ability [k3: tautology + k4: missing article + word form] bacteria’s tendency to resist these antibiotics due to its [k4: wrong possessive pronoun – "bacteria" is plural] their high adaptability to medicaments [k3: unnatural word choice] medications.

TOEFL Integrated Writing Score: 3 / 5

What lowers the score:

Language Use (k4 + k3 issues):

Grammar: Multiple grammar issues such as incorrect articles, subject-verb agreement, and verb forms (e.g., “it useful,” “bacteria becomes resistant,” “they a gene that resistant”).

Lexical Choice: Phrases like “body ability,” “bacteria ability,” “medicaments” are awkward or non-standard in academic writing.

Repetition/Tautology: The word “ability” is used excessively and redundantly.

 Clarity and Coherence (k2 issues):

Several sentences lack fluency or contain logic gaps (e.g., “you need to use more of it… and do not help all the time”).

Transitions and phrasing could be smoother in a few places to enhance flow and readability.

Independent writing task

This is a challenging topic, but I think that without discovering antibiotics our life would completely change in worse way [k4: awkward phrasing + article error + incorrect comparative form] our lives would have changed for the worse.

I strongly agree with student A’s idea that they are the greatest discovery of 20th century. [k4: article error + vague pronoun reference] antibiotics are the greatest discovery of the 20th century. Indeed, antibiotics [k3: repetition/tautology] these drugs prevented many lethal infections and made surgeries easier. I’d [k1: no contractions in formal writing] I would add that without them, our life longevity would surely decrease [k3: unnatural phrasing] life expectancy would surely decrease and our world would completely change. Also antibiotics helped other discoveries that meant a lot in nowadays life. [k2: vague logic + k3: awkward phrasing] Antibiotics also supported other medical advances that are important in modern life.

I strongly agree with student A’s idea that they are the greatest discovery of 20th century. [k4: article error + vague pronoun reference] antibiotics are the greatest discovery of the 20th century. Indeed, antibiotics [k3: repetition/tautology] these drugs prevented many lethal infections and made surgeries easier. I’d [k1: no contractions in formal writing] I would add that without them, our life longevity would surely decrease [k4: grammar – awkward construction + k2: logic] life expectancy would not have increased and our world would completely change [k2: logic – too categorical; consider a more precise or measured expression + k4: wrong infinitival form] our quality of life would have remained low. Also antibiotics helped other discoveries that meant a lot in nowadays life. [k2: vague logic + k3: awkward phrasing] Antibiotics also supported other medical advances that are important in modern life, for example, they enabled organ transplants by preventing post-surgical infections.

As a result, antibiotics mean a lot today and our life [k4: number agreement] our lives without them would be unimaginable [k2: sense – too absolute/categorical] much more difficult.[k2:sense: illustration missing] For example, they enabled organ transplants by preventing post-surgical infections.

// +Ultimately, it is difficult to overstate the importance of antibiotics, as modern healthcare systems would struggle to function effectively without them.

TOEFL Independent Writing Score: 3 / 5

1. Task Achievement – 4/5

The writer addresses the topic well and provides a clear opinion.

Both viewpoints are referenced and discussed.

Some development is included, with one extended example about organ transplants.

However, more elaboration and stronger contrast between Student A and B’s arguments would boost the score.

2. Coherence & Cohesion – 3/5

Basic organization is present (introduction, body, conclusion).

Transition phrases are limited; paragraphing is standard but lacks variety.

Repetitions such as “our life”, “mean a lot”, and “completely change” could be more precisely expressed.

Some sentences are overly general or awkwardly phrased, e.g., “meant a lot in nowadays life.”

3. Lexical Resource – 3/5

Vocabulary is appropriate but lacks richness and shows some awkward collocations (“life longevity,” “resist to antibiotics,” “nowadays life”).

Some overuse of basic expressions (e.g., “a lot”, “mean a lot”).

Word choices could be more precise or formal in academic style.

4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy – 2.5/5

Several grammar errors (marked as [k4]) such as article misuse, agreement, awkward constructions, and incorrect prepositions.

Good attempt at varied sentence types, but too many errors interfere with natural flow.

Punctuation is acceptable, but verb forms and syntax need improvement.

Cinematograph

The lecturer adds information [k4: unclear connection—use 'to what is presented' for accurate meaning] to what is presented in the reading passage regarding new [k4: wrong article - concrete techniques are meant] the techniques that Georges Méliès developed. This film creator [k3: awkward phrasing] This pioneering filmmaker completely changed the way how movies were done [k4: redundancy—'the way' and 'how'] the way movies were made and what they show.

Firstly, it tells us about a concept that is named [k4: overly wordy / informal construction] it describes a concept known as stop action photography, explaining that it includes replacement replace [k4: repetition and incorrect phrasing] which involves replacing one object with another by filming the first, then stopping the camera and putting the second on its place [k4: incorrect preposition and phrasing] placing the second in its place. Méliès discovered this technique accidentally: while filming a truck, his camera jammed, and when he restarted it, a horse had appeared in the truck’s place.

Secondly, it adds information about idea of animation [k4: article missing + incorrect phrasing] the idea of animation by pointing out that means adding something [k4: missing subject] it refers to adding elements that do not exist in real life and are painted by the author into the film. Méliès used this in one of his films, where a spaceship flew toward the moon, which grew larger and revealed a human face that began to cry as the rocket hit its eye.

Finally, it explains the innovation in film length, saying that Georges Méliès extended it by putting several scenes together. Before him movies only were filmed as a one event without stopping [k4: word order + article + awkward construction+K5: syntax- put a comma on the left of the Subject in the main clause!] Before Méliès, films consisted of a single continuous event without interruption.

Independent Writing_Cinemas

1. This is a challenging topic [k1: vague phrasing for academic style] debatable issue, but I think that movie theaters will not become obsolete. I strongly agree with Jacobs’s [k4: spelling and punctuation—apostrophe should follow standard rule for singular possessive] Jacobs' idea that there is a special atmosphere in cinemas which [k4: incorrect relative pronoun for defining clause about place] that you cannot feel at home.

2. I’d add that for me every time I went watching a movie on a big screen was like a holiday for me [k3: repetition/redundancy] every visit to the big screen felt like a holiday /Going to the cinema always felt like a celebration/.

3. While Isabella raised the relevant point [k1: imprecise phrase—academic style prefers more specific expression] a valid argument that people value convenience, she didn’t mention that convenience is not the same for everyone.

4. There are two types of people: introverts and extraverts [k4: inconsistent spelling—standard TOEFL spelling is 'extroverts'] extroverts.

5. First type [k4: article needed for countable noun] The first type feels more relaxed watching movie [k4: article missing before countable singular noun] a movie at home on their own or maybe in a little company.

6. Second type likes the opposite [k1: informal/unclear phrasing] The second type prefers the opposite setting, many extraverts [k4: see above] extroverts would prefer to be surrounded by people and they would likely choose [k3: redundancy—"would" already implies likelihood] likely choose a cinema.

7. As a result, I do not think that movie theaters will extinct [k4: incorrect verb form—use "become extinct"] become extinct, but maybe their popularity can decrease [k4: modal verb mismatch—use "may" or "might"] may decline /could diminish over time/.

Part 2 of written works