The Paradox of Choice
The lecture challenges the theories presented in the reading passage regarding the paradox of choice [tip: rephrasing can sometimes be required] /concept of excessive choice. It is an idea that [k4: too simple phrase structure] , which states that many choice options [k4: incorrect phrase structure] having too many options will affect badly on the person [k4: wrong preposition + k4: incorrect word order] affect the person negatively. In text author writes [k4: incorrect article use+ k5: syntax] the text, the author writes that the paradox isn’t a paradox [k4: inappropriate repetition] is not truly a paradox and that having multiple options to choose [k4: preposition missing] from is good [k3: primitive word] beneficial. Speaker [k4: missing article] The speaker in the lecture thinks the opposite./The speaker in the lecture, for one, holds the opposite view.
Firstly, it disputes [k2: unclear reference] the speaker disputes the hypothesis that if you have big choice variability [k4: unnatural collocation] a wide range of choices, you can find what works best for you, arguing that exploring [k4: incorrect gerund use] having too many options is mentally exhausting and decreases your productivity, because you thinking [k4: incorrect verb form] you think too much. [k1: elaboration/example missing] It can even lead to the so-called decision fatigue - an increasing feeling of exhaustion towards the end of the day.
Secondly, it refutes the idea of progressing by finding the best alternatives and companies making better products [k4: awkward and bulky phrasing-too many Gerunds] improving through discovering the best alternatives and encouraging companies to create better products by pointing out that quality of this products [k4: incorrect article & demonstrative pronoun use] the quality of these products won’t [k1: no short forms in formal writing!] will not improve . / Secondly, the lecturer refutes the idea that wide assortments fuel progress in corresponding industries, arguing that the quality of these products is still not likely to improve. [k1: elaboration/example missing] As a result, the market ends up being filled with mediocre, poor quality products and services, inevitably impeding technological progress.
Finally, it questions the theory of us getting better [k4: informal style] self-improvement by finding what is really important to us and by that understanding ourselves [k4: unnatural phrasing] thus gaining self-awareness, noting that people becoming [k4: incorrect verb form] are becoming lazy and not trying to be better, suggesting that they won’t [k1: no short forms in formal writing!] will not try to seek alternatives.Finally, it questions the idea that people improve by identifying what matters to them and gaining self-awareness. On the opposite, it argues that people become lazy, stop striving for growth, and avoid seeking alternatives. [k1: elaboration/example missing] The speaker adds that complacency, developed as a side-effect of decision fatigue, undermines success in our professional spheres.
Score: 3-4 (average), 15-17=limited-fair (scaled)
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Average score |
Scaled score |
criteria |
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5
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24-30 = Good |
A fully successful response The response is a relevant and very clearly expressed contribution to the online discussion, and it demonstrates consistent facility in the use of language. A typical response displays the following: • [k1, k2] Relevant and • [k2, k3, k5] • [k3, k4] A
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4
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17-23 = Fair |
A generally successful response The response is a relevant contribution to the online discussion, and facility in the use of language allows the writer’s ideas to be easily understood. A typical response displays the following: • Relevant and adequately elaborated explanations, exemplifications, and/or details • A variety of syntactic structures and appropriate word choice •
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3
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1-16 = Limited |
A partially successful response The response is a mostly relevant and mostly understandable contribution to the online discussion, and there is some facility in the use of language. A typical response displays the following: • Elaboration in which part of an explanation, example, or detail may be missing, unclear, or irrelevant • Some variety in syntactic structures and a range of vocabulary • Some noticeable lexical and grammatical errors in sentence structure, word form, or use of idiomatic language
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2 |
A mostly unsuccessful response The response reflects an attempt to contribute to the online discussion, but limitations in the use of language may make ideas hard to follow. A typical response displays the following: • Ideas that may be poorly elaborated or only partially relevant • A limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary • An accumulation of errors in sentence structure, word forms, or use |
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1 |
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An unsuccessful response The response reflects an ineffective attempt to contribute to the online discussion, and limitations in the use of language may prevent the expression of ideas. A typical response may display the following: • Words and phrases that indicate an attempt to address the task but with few or no coherent ideas • Severely limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary • Serious and frequent errors in the use of language • Minimal original language; any coherent language is mostly borrowed from the stimulus
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0 |
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The response is blank, rejects the topic, is not in English, is entirely copied from the prompt, is entirely unconnected to the prompt, or consists of arbitrary keystrokes. |
Independent writing_inventions
This is a controversial topic, but I think that one of the most important inventions is computer games [k3: consider a more authentic word] video games. I really like Lena’s idea that vitamins help us be healthy. [k2: sense]
I’d add that computer games also help your mind health [k3: incorrect wording ] your mental health and release your stress [k3: wrong word] relieve stress /blow off steam.
Paul raised the relevant point that space satellites make our telecommunication better, but he didn’t mention for what we need to communicate online [k4: awkward phrasing] why we need online communication. / why online communication is essential. After all, staying connected is a two-way street, and many times, people use computers and phones to chat with their friends while playing some games together [k3: wordiness] games with them. /They provide an engaging escape from daily stress, allowing players to recharge their minds.
So, in conclusion, I think that computer games don’t mean less than vitamins and space satellites for many people. You can have fun, discuss them with your friend [k4: incorrect singular/plural form] discuss them with your friends and calm your mind. There is always a game that will be suitable for you [k3: unnatural phrasing] fits your interests. With such a wide variety available, there is always a game that hits the nail on the head in terms of personal interests and preferences.
TOEFL Integrated Writing – The Lecture Challenges the Theories on the Collapse of Eastern Mediterranean Civilizations
The lecture challenges the theories presented in the reading passage regarding the reason why almost all Eastern Mediterranean civilizations collapsed.
Firstly, it disputes the hypothesis that climate change and natural disasters ruined all of them, destroying agriculture and infrastructure, causing migrations, arguing that scientists say that climate in this period was stable and did not affect on plants differently than years before [k4: incorrect article usage + k4: wrong preposition + k3: awkward phrasing] the climate during this period remained stable and did not influence vegetation differently from previous years. // Research findings suggest that environmental conditions did not fluctuate enough to cause significant damage to crops. Even though if [k4: incorrect conjunction combination] if there were earthquakes, all civilizations would have collapsed in the same time, but they have not [k3: incorrect time expression + k4: incorrect tense] all civilizations would have fallen simultaneously, yet they did not. // If tectonic activity had been the main cause, historical records would indicate a synchronized downfall.
Secondly, it refutes the idea that _army of pirates, called “Sea people”, became a reason why everything was destroyed [k4: incorrect article usage + k3: awkward phrasing] a group of pirates known as the “Sea People” caused widespread devastation by pointing out that they are likely to be in many small groups than in one big [k4: incorrect comparative structure] were probably divided into multiple small factions rather than forming a single large force, and because of low quantities of people in this groups [k3: incorrect phrase] the limited number of individuals in those bands, they were not strong enough and would likely to lose against militaries of big civilizations [k4: incorrect infinitive structure + k3: unnatural phrasing] would have been easily defeated by the armies of major states. // Given their numerical disadvantage, these raiders lacked the capability to overpower well-organized forces.
Finally, it questions the theory that these civilizations’ political and economic instability created inequalities between people and by that was the reason of downfall [k4: incorrect phrase] thus led to their collapse, noting that this problem was not unique and was a natural feature of that time, suggesting that this problem was many years before and did not do much negative effect earlier as a factor [k4: incorrect tense + k3: unnatural phrasing] similar societal struggles had existed for centuries without triggering large-scale destruction. // Economic instability and political unrest were persistent throughout history, yet they had not previously resulted in total societal collapse.